How to Stop the Wandering Mind and be Happy

[00:00:00] Speaker A: How is your mind? What's going on in your mind, your thoughts, your feelings? What is all this endless thought about? In today's episode, we're getting into how the mind works, why we can't turn it off, why we can't. There's no button to switch it off. What happens when the mind is wandering? How can we bring our mind back to what we want to focus on? And basically how to deal with this thing called our mind? Because what we think and what we, we feel has a profound effect on everything in our life. And if we don't get our mind under control, we are going to have a pretty awful life. But if we do get our mind under control, then we can feel much more joy, happiness, and peace. So let's jump into it. Welcome to the podcast. Hello, Shireen. This is your idea, this topic. What brought you to this, this wonderful topic? [00:00:57] Speaker B: Hello, Michael. What brought me to this topic? I was reading some research. [00:01:08] Speaker A: Of course you were. You love a bit of research. [00:01:13] Speaker B: And I was thinking that the research pretty much tells what contemplative traditions have been saying for centuries. For millennia, we have been saying something. And the research says, yes, that's true. [00:01:32] Speaker A: Once again, science is agreeing with something that everyone knew anyway. It's funny how it has to, like, you have to wait thousands of years, and then people say, oh, actually it was true after all. And then people go, all right, let me try it out. Meditation's good for you. You should eat properly. You'd go for a walk. [00:01:49] Speaker B: Yeah. You should eat vegetables and fruits. Yeah. [00:01:54] Speaker A: Get enough sleep, you know, don't, don't do drugs and kill yourself. You know, don't jump off a cliff. According to science, if you jump off the cliff, it might cause you some problems. [00:02:03] Speaker B: Anyway, so I was reading this research. So let me tell you about the first research. Should I tell you my story first? Of the research? First research first. [00:02:15] Speaker A: No story. [00:02:15] Speaker B: First story first. [00:02:16] Speaker A: We have to have a story. [00:02:18] Speaker B: You know this story. You know the story. The story is. Okay. When I was growing up in India, right? I grew up in India. And when I was growing up in India, I always, always. You know how girls apparently think of their wedding and, you know, whatever. The knight in shining armor. I don't think ever in my once in my life I ever thought of my wedding or knight in shining armor, right? Not even once. I'm not exaggerating. Not even once. But the one thing I would constantly think about was, I want to be independent. I want to be financially independent. I want to have a career. I want to actually study and do good things and things like that. Those were the things I always had, especially financial independence and a career was very, very important. So I came to the US under extreme fight. Actually, that's the story for another day. So I came to the U.S. okay, I finished my graduate work, and then I got a good job. And so now. And I always wanted to live alone. I didn't want people like too many people. I grew up with too many people. I just wanted to live alone. Right. So I was living alone. I was living in the United States, far away from anyone who's going to tell me about marriage and this and that, because my parents were insisting on arranged marriages. Far away from any of that stuff. I was living alone. I had a career, I had a good job, and I was independent, and I was here on my own. Congratulations. You would think I'm going to be happy. [00:04:14] Speaker A: Yeah, you'd hope so. After all that work. Weren't happy after all. Was didn't. [00:04:19] Speaker B: After all that work? No, I was not happy. I was like, what is wrong? Like, there was something so wrong with me, right. Internally, I could tell what was wrong with me. And then I found Brahma Kumaris and my life changed and all of that. And I'm very, very grateful for finding a purpose and finding meaning and, you know, just everything. I'm very, very grateful. But when, like after about 20 years later, I thought, oh, my story is just the immigrant story, just the achievement and this and that, and that's why this is happening. Right. But then when I read this research, I realized it was because of what they were telling us in the research, that I was not happy. [00:05:11] Speaker A: Yeah. So you came to America after all this hard work and fight with your parents and everything to get there, you finally had a job, money, independent, living on your own, and it didn't work for you because something funny was going on in your head. I imagine that's what it is. So what was going on? [00:05:29] Speaker B: Right. So the research is by Killingsworth and Daniel Gilbert, and they are Harvard psychologists, and they did something amazing. So Killingsworth, what he did was he created an app where he was going to ping people. And this was many, many people, Right? Thousands of people of all ages from 18 to 80. He gave them the app. So the app went to all these people, they were part of the study, and he was going to ping them at random times. Right. And there were three questions on it. So whenever the ping comes, you have to answer the question, what are you doing? Where is your mind? Is it on the task you're doing and are you. Are you happy doing what you're doing? Right. And then they did all because they had like millions of data points now from people, thousands of people, and they aggregated it together and they found that across all genders, all ages, everyone. Your mind wanders 47% of your waking life, [00:06:51] Speaker A: on average. That's pretty shocking, maybe. [00:06:53] Speaker B: On average, 47 of the time you are awake, your mind is wandering. [00:06:59] Speaker A: So they got. That's not the person got. So they got the. So someone's like getting on with their life and they have a ping and they're like, what was I just thinking about? And they wasn't really. [00:07:08] Speaker B: I was wondering, was the. Was your mind on the task you were doing? [00:07:14] Speaker A: That's very interesting. [00:07:14] Speaker B: Right. That was the question. What are you doing? Was the mind on the task? And how are you feeling? Three questions. How are you feeling? [00:07:21] Speaker A: Nice. [00:07:23] Speaker B: Okay, so 47% of the time the mind was totally wandering. But not only that, there's so many very amazing things about this research. I feel this research needs to be studied and taught in schools. Right. Okay. So what they found, not only 47% of the time, the mind was wandering. Absolutely. A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. It doesn't matter where it's wandering to. A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. And actually that's the title, I think, of their book, A wandering mind is an unhappy Mind. Not only a wandering mind is an unhappy mind, which. Right. We could have told you. Brahma Kumaris can tell you this. [00:08:14] Speaker A: People have figured this thing out before, haven't they? [00:08:17] Speaker B: The Brahma Kumaris have been saying this for a very long time. Don't let your mind wander. Don't let your mind stumble. It's just going to cause you unhappiness. Right. So that was that. And then what happened? Then they had other parts of the research which was so fascinating. So a wandering mind is an unhappy mind. 47% of the time it's wandering. And then the next part was that irrespective of where it's wandering. Right. Pleasant, neutral, unpleasant. It's still unhappy. This especially for people who scroll and watch movies and do all that. Right, right. Especially scroll and daydream and think, oh, I need some time off. Right. They are not any happier doing that task. They are not any happier doing that [00:09:18] Speaker A: task when they're, when someone's scrolling and they're not happier. [00:09:22] Speaker B: No, because the mind is wandering and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind. [00:09:27] Speaker A: So is. Is someone watching, let's say, short videos? Is that Technically wandering or are they focused on the videos? [00:09:39] Speaker B: No, it's kind of wandering, right? Oh, because there are other parts of the research, right? What they say is non present. The word they use is non present. [00:09:50] Speaker A: So not with. Here you're not. [00:09:52] Speaker B: You are present here with the task, right? So you're present here with the task. That is presence. And what they found is the only time you're really happy is when there's absolute presence. Whatever else you're doing, if your mind is. If you're not present with whatever is going on right here, then you are unhappy. It's not even neutral. You're unhappy. Right? And so what that also means is let's say I'm folding laundry, right? It might not be the most glamorous job in the world, I'm folding laundry. But if I am present in the task of folding laundry and I'm just here, I have the potential to be really happy. [00:10:43] Speaker A: Happy, happy, happy. [00:10:44] Speaker B: But if I'm folding laundry and thinking about what I'm going to say to someone and my whatever, whatever, then I'm going to be unhappy. But let's say if I go on a vacation to Paris and I'm thinking of my job or this one or that one, or how bad the streets in Paris are, or whatever, whatever, right? It's an unhappy mind. It's an unhappy mind because that also they have found that the place where you are is more important than where your mind is. So if you're in Paris but your mind is somewhere else, then it doesn't work. If you're here, you're folding laundry and you're really present, then you're really. You have equal potential to be happy as anyone who can be in Paris. Okay? If you go to Paris and you're really present, then you can be happy too. There too. But vacation or situations or scrolling or anything, that doesn't decide your happiness. Your presence, just being present here, that decides your happiness. [00:12:03] Speaker A: So the best thing is to go to Paris and be present. Is that the ultimate happiness? [00:12:08] Speaker B: Or if you can't afford to go to Paris and be present, you can just be here. [00:12:15] Speaker A: Just be here and be happy, and [00:12:16] Speaker B: be present and be happy. [00:12:18] Speaker A: Yeah, that's very interesting. I think the same researcher could have been a different research I remember reading about somewhere is that they found that people were actually happier when they're at work than when they're at home. So because apparently people, when people are at work, they're thinking, oh, when I get home, everything will be great because then I won't Be at work and I can just chill out. But when they actually are at home, they weren't as happy from their reports as the way they were when they're at work. Isn't that interesting? That is interesting because when people are at work, they're generally more present because they're forced to be more present most the time. You know, I mean, you can wander, but like if you're in the flow state and you're doing the thing that you do, the flow state is a happy place. Because the flow state is only possible if you're here, [00:13:14] Speaker B: right? [00:13:14] Speaker A: Meditation can be a flow state, or working on a project can be a flow state. Or, you know, playing sports or whatever it is. They're all happy states, aren't they? Because you're here. But then people go home and they're watching random stuff, thinking about things and [00:13:30] Speaker B: ruminating, thinking about work and what they could have said or what the email they could have sent. Because that's a wandering mind and that's an unhappy mind, right? And so we always think, oh no, who wants to fold laundry? Who wants to do dishes? You know? But any of these tasks can be quite pleasurable if you're just in the moment. If you're just here doing this, right? And this is where I feel we come in, is not only are you in the moment, you're doing something, but you're doing it in soul consciousness. You're doing it in the awareness of being a soul. I really think there's so much benefit in that, right? Because there's always this striving. So going back to my story, not only the striving, but the wandering mind, I feel was what made me unhappy. Wandering about what's happening in India. What I don't like at work, because I wasn't really showing up right as fully myself. I had to find the Brahma Kumaris to really show up as fully myself. Because before I wasn't showing up fully as myself. Like hundred places it was going. And I really think that was the gist of it, right? Not just it's the immigrant story and it's the aspiration and the next thing. And the next thing, right, that too. But I think mostly it's because of this, but this. You know, we want so many things in life, we have so many desires, so many things in life, but really and all of it because we want to be happy, we want to be joyful, we want, you know, fulfilled life. But just this moment, if I bring to this moment soul consciousness, connection, presence, contentment, there's so much to it, Right. Life doesn't have to be this high octane. Going to Paris, going here, going there. It can be just so meaningful. Just this moment in soul consciousness can be so meaningful, [00:15:52] Speaker A: so beautiful. Yeah. We don't need to go anywhere else to be happy. And it's. [00:15:58] Speaker B: It's do anything, right? Or 10 things need to happen in my life for it to work out. I don't need to do all those things. [00:16:07] Speaker A: It normally doesn't work out anyway, does it? I mean, we all have experience where I'm. Once I finish all these things, then I'll be happy. But then we finish this stuff and it doesn't make any difference. And there's more things. This, this is one of the biggest traps, I think, is I'll be happy later. I'll be happy once certain events have come to pass. Once I get my package in the post, then everything will be all right. Once I finish this thing, then everything will be right. Once I have something to eat and you know, of course we have to look after our body and get enough sleep and stuff like that, but most the time we don't end up happier because it's. That's still the future, isn't it? And then once if we've developed a habit of thinking, I'll be happier later, then by the time we get to later, the habit's still there. And there's always another later because the future is always ahead of us. That's a very strange situation that we're dealing with. What a strange situation. [00:17:12] Speaker B: You know, this whole idea of baseline, right. Hedonistic baseline, it's called in the happiness circles is what is my baseline happiness? Did we talk about this? Did I tell you about the whole? [00:17:26] Speaker A: Yeah, well, the whole it goes up and down. Like if someone gets paralyzed, that goes back to where it was. And if they win a million dollars or a billion dollars or whatever, it comes back to what it was or. And. But it can be raised. [00:17:38] Speaker B: And also this where it is, right? So this is the baseline, right? So I win the lottery. Goes up, but comes down. I get paralyzed. It goes down, but comes up. That's very important. It goes down, but comes up. So this is the baseline. And this baseline is what this research is about, is that 47% of the baseline is a wandering mind. And we stop the wandering. We come into presence, right? That's like the most important, important thing we can do is how can I be in this present moment and be spiritual and bring my full everything to here, to now, to be content to be happy, to, you know, in remembrance. I can do this, right? This is who I am. And that. That is what I need to work on. I feel, if anything, right, that's the most important thing. Our lives, we have to work on. Because that's what. Because, you know, people say that, oh, if I get this, this, this, I'll be happy. Right? But actually, you'll come back to baseline. And so what is the most important thing you'll be. Have to be working on is the baseline. [00:18:58] Speaker A: Yeah, the baseline is here now. There's nothing else. There's no future event. So what we're talking about here is not just generic mindfulness, which is helpful, actually, just to sit there and be aware of what you're experiencing. But going deeper than that is who is experiencing what is experiencing everything. And it's not just the mind, it's the soul. Pure consciousness behind everything. Who is this being who is having an experience? And we're already safe and relaxed now. This is such a deep thing to come back to, that feeling that all is well, despite things being a mess. Because I think a lot of the thoughts are about how can I fix something? At least that's what my thoughts are mostly about. This needs to be done. This needs to be done. This has to be fixed. What about blah, blah, blah, blah? But that's still based on the idea that once it's fixed, everything will be better later. But if I can sit here and say, this is a wonderful drama, it's a wonderful game, everything is exactly like it is right now. I accept everything exactly like it is. What if I just allowed everything to be as it is and I stopped complaining about it and stopped trying to change it and I realized that I'm eternal and never ending, and this is just like a wonderful opportunity to be alive and to be loving and to experience being alive and remember God and give blessings, then what else do I need? Right. [00:20:41] Speaker B: Right now, Absolutely. What else do we need? Right. So, Michael, you were mentioning mindfulness recently. Just now, last few, few minutes ago. And I want to state something here. For me, right? Every person has different needs. For me, if I just watch my thoughts, I don't think I'll improve my baseline or if I just. For me to improve my baseline, I really have to be spiritual. I have to see myself as a spiritual being. I have to connect with the supreme soul. And several things happen in that connection, in that being of spiritual. Right. Whatever deep, wonderful qualities like love or peace or innocence or, you know, just joy, any of those qualities that are in the soul come up. And so I've noticed that for me, just being present, folding laundry is not enough for me. I have to bring it into karma yoga that I'm doing karma. And while doing karma, I have this link of love going on, not only with myself as a spiritual being, but with a higher power. And that is when I. I'm the happiest. That is when my mind is not wandering just to be in the present. My mind will wander. But if I have a spiritual timetable for my mind while I'm doing something, it really helps. [00:22:18] Speaker A: Yeah, it makes a big difference. Yeah. Mindfulness in itself is better than not mindfulness. It's better than random thoughts, but it's. It's only like the. The basic awareness from which to practice something of a higher level. I mean, I think there's benefit. I personally find benefit in just sitting and just becoming present with what's going on. Because oftentimes the mind is either focused on something or it's wandering around. And just to come back to what's actually happening right here, like, how am I feeling? What's going on? It's more contemplative practice, really. And then they can, for me, anyway, they can come into these higher states. It's too much of a jump if I don't just stop for a moment and just settle into it a little bit. And another thing I personally find very helpful related to this spiritual practice is to use the breath. I call it the spiritual breath, where I imagine I'm a spiritual being. Point of light. And God is point of light. It's shining energy. And I breathe in God's light and feel it, and then breathe out. Send good wishes and pure feelings, good vibrations, you know, thank you, thank you, thank you. And then just breathe in again and breathe out. Because the body's. It's already breathing anyway. So it's just a concentration practice that there's this, like, absorbing. [00:24:09] Speaker B: Why don't you lead us into a meditation, Michael? I want to do what you're doing. [00:24:14] Speaker A: Yeah. Let's take a moment to practice. So this is the very simple spiritual breath practice. You can keep your eyes open or close your eyes. And just right now become aware that above you is a spiritual energy. God is being, a loving presence, loving being who has infinite love and is caring and peaceful, blissful. Is all goodness, goodness, goodness and all beautiful. Everything that's good comes from that light, from that being. And you're a spiritual being behind your eyes, pure consciousness. And as you breathe in, just feel yourself receiving that energy. Just like you would with the sun, breathing it in. Just fill up with that in your whole body. And as you breathe out, just share that good vibration all around you. As you breathe out, just let that shine through you. And we do it again. Just breathing in that beautiful light. And just letting it shine, letting it flow. Infinite source of light. As you breathe in, you've attained everything and you're safe and all is well. And you're just radiating and allowing that beautiful energy to flow through you. And now all around you, expanding more and more. Just take a few more breaths together. So the in breath is just filling up. And very naturally shining it all around you. And just a few more last breaths. Just become aware of your body as you breathe in, that you're here right now. Just noticing however you're feeling as you breathe in that light. And breathing out, sending good wishes to your body, the wonderful body that you have. That's very useful. This is your spiritual, physical house for the soul. And noticing that you're safe and secure wherever you are, as long as you are safe and secure, everything's all right. And there we have it. [00:28:00] Speaker B: That was very good. [00:28:01] Speaker A: Yeah. Spiritual breath, because we're always breathing and. And that is present because it's in the body, isn't it? Like, I mean, it's literally, I am here right now in this moment, but it's also connected to the infinite and this original self and also the world. So I think it's quite a sophisticated practice, actually, even though it's quite simple. And then an alternative to that practice is that if you're feeling stressed out, which not. Not that any of us do feel stressed out anymore, thank goodness. But just in case anyone does feel stressed out, because all our reader listeners are all enlightened already, but just in case for somebody else. [00:28:47] Speaker B: And no one's mind wandered during the meditation. [00:28:49] Speaker A: No one's mind wanders. And no one has any negative feelings anymore. So we. But just in case a friend of yours does, this is what you can tell them to. So you can breathe in the light, or they can breathe in the light. And then as you breathe out, you can just release the negative feelings as if God is pulling them out. So let's just do that one for a moment. Because it's the same thing, except as you breathe out, it's like if there's any negative thoughts, negative feelings, just imagine them being pulled. Because God is. One of God's titles is the Remover of Sorrow and the Bestower of Happiness. Right. So he's removing the sorrow. How does it get removed? We have to give it up. We have to say, here you go, take the sorrow. This is one of the things that a lot of people don't seem to realize. But God wants to take the sorrow out of us, out of the soul. And. But the soul affects the body. So whatever you're thinking and feeling is going to affect your body. So it's not just in the soul, it's actually chemical experience. A lot of this suffering and negative feelings have an effect on our heart and our body and nervous system. So I'm giving it up, giving it up, giving it up. And then I'm receiving happiness. And how I personally feel it is that it's like I need this. Like the. The entity of the whole human experience is, in a way, it's like full of something. And I need to allow something to be released to create space for something to fit into that space. That. So something has to be pulled out. There's something new to be added. You know, that's why it's often mentioned that God won't sit in your heart if it's full of junk, because it's already full, you know, so we have to say, let me get that stuff out. So there's space in there, you know, so we'll just practice for a few moments. Any feeling, any thought, just imagine giving it up and it being pulled out. And then as you breathe in, you're receiving fresh energy that is filling that space up. So breathing out, whatever, whatever you're worried about, whatever you're stressed about, whatever it is or your friend is just imagine you let it go. And then we breathe in fresh energy. So the out breath is clearing. And the more you release, the more space you get for pure spiritual vibrations to return into your being. It. Yay. So there we have it. [00:33:05] Speaker B: Yay. Thank you. Ready for a blessing? [00:33:10] Speaker A: Blessings. Blessings. Blessings. Blessings. [00:33:14] Speaker B: Just remember, divine listeners, a wandering mind is an unhappy mind. [00:33:26] Speaker A: Be. Be in your higher consciousness right now. I suppose before we do that, I just want to mention one last thing about, like, the news. I mean, I have to say I'm partially addicted to the news if I'm radically honest. But that's a wandering mind, really. Like, if I'm reading about faraway events, I'm not here. Like if I'm reading about something happening in another country or some random thing. As much as it's interesting that that's. Is that considered wandering mind because it's not in the moment. [00:34:07] Speaker B: Definitely, definitely. [00:34:09] Speaker A: So. So the definition is that if you're not here with what you're doing. Right. In this particular. In your actual current situation, it's a wondering which, I mean that sums up majority of what's going on then. I mean, I think it's probably more than 50, 47 is a bit. Is a bit conservative really. It's probably more like 95, you know. [00:34:33] Speaker B: Right, right. And also happiness really comes from being present. Right. It doesn't come from vacations. It doesn't come if you're present on the vacation. Yes. But if you're not present on the vacation. No, it comes from presence. Folding laundry. Whatever it is, it comes from presence. Oh, another thing, another very important thing about the research was what comes first? The wandering comes first or the unhappiness comes first? [00:35:11] Speaker A: I mean, I would think it would be the unhappiness comes first and then it causes the wandering. It's the other way around, is it? [00:35:18] Speaker B: It's the other way around. They have poorly researched this. They say that the wandering causes the unhappiness. [00:35:24] Speaker A: That's very interesting. So anytime we're thinking I don't want to be here, I don't like this because that's not that I suppose is. I mean that's being aware of what's going on. Like if you're in a situation where you're just feeling some level of distress in the moment that tends to cause desire for distraction or whatever it is. [00:35:47] Speaker B: Exactly. The scrolling. Whatever it is. Right. Is we think we are going to, you know, just let off some steam and me time. And that's not it. Because the wandering causes the unhappiness. [00:36:01] Speaker A: That's very interesting. So it's. So essentially the solution to this is to be, be. Have the power to face what is going on in the moment. Because I mean, I've experienced again and again and again. When I remember that I've mentioned this before because it's so extreme. Example when I was in India and I had. I was really, really dehydrated and sick. I had some strange illness and thought I might die or something and I couldn't get out of bed. And I really resisted it for hours and hours and hours. But I finally accepted it. Let me just experience what I'm experiencing and it got better. And same thing happened when I had a. Had to get a tooth pulled. I was like, oh my God, I need to go to the dentist. Dentist, Dentist, Dentist, dentist, dentist. Because it was late at night. And when I finally said let me just experience it, which just didn't want to. It got actually the pain reduced. So yeah, that's another big topic which deserves its own podcast. How do you be with what is when you don't like it? [00:36:59] Speaker B: Right, right. But the wandering creates the unhappiness because people think, if I'm unhappy, I create scenarios in my head, this and that. No, the wandering creates the unhappiness. [00:37:12] Speaker A: That's very interesting. Well, let's give everyone a challenge, including ourselves, to stay here the whole time and see if it does want to just bring it back with love and compassion. Just see how, how much we can be in this moment without saying, oh, what about this? What about this? I don't want to do this. I don't like this. Why am I here? [00:37:33] Speaker B: Or I should do this or I should do that, or I need to, you know, get my rama and stuff done or whatever. Right? [00:37:40] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's not going to make it. It doesn't. It's a split tasking, isn't it? We're here and then we're off and then we're back again. And that, that itself causes stress in our body, jumping between tasks. So. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. The state of the world. The state of the world. Well, at least we can change ourselves to the best of our ability. So this is the homework. Tell you the spiritual breath and have the courage to be here. Yay. Blessings. [00:38:13] Speaker B: Blessing. Yes, this is God's blessing for you. Innocence. You have rekindled your childlike wonder. Allowing yourself to let go of cynicism, you fill your heart with innocence and cherish life's simple pleasures. This journey of renewal is enabling you to see the world with fresh, joy filled eyes. [00:38:48] Speaker A: Beautiful. Yay. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Well, may everyone be here now and in a higher state of awareness of who you are and enjoy your life and see what happens. Much love.