Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Today we are diving into the Serenity Prayer, which is such a beautiful prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
What a powerful and genius prayer that is. That applies to every moment of our life, to. Of every situation we're in.
And so we're gonna go into this today and how we can use this in our life in a practical, practical way. And first of all, we need to hear a story from Shereen about how she was using this to make sure she didn't murder somebody. Let's hear all about.
[00:00:51] Speaker B: No, I was. Because this is not like we rehearsed this, you know, episode. Right. So the only. I was telling Brother Michael, the only thing I remember about the seren was there was a time in my life where I would make my own version of it and apply it. Right. Like the own version would be, God, you know, grant me the serenity to not murder this person and the courage, even if I did murder, to face what I did.
And, oh, and also, can you please help get me someone to help me post bail if this does happen?
So, like that. Right?
So those were the things.
[00:01:42] Speaker A: We are.
[00:01:43] Speaker B: So I would change it around, I would change it. Of course I was joking.
I would change it around, I would change it around.
And for me, the change would always be about accepting the situation, seeing the situation as very sweet, not, you know, like some situations and some interactions can be very bitter. Right.
So it'll always be around. God, grant me the serenity to see this person as a very sweet or see the situation as very sweet and beneficial for me.
[00:02:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:21] Speaker B: And the courage to walk through it, even though I don't see the benefit right now. The courage to walk through it.
[00:02:32] Speaker A: Yeah. This is a. It's a very, very deep. When you think about how this applies. So it has three phases.
Phase one is serenity to accept what we cannot change.
Right. So what can we change? What can't we change? That's. That's the first thing. Second thing is the courage to actually take action on the things that we can change that we've probably been putting off and avoid avoiding.
And then the third part is to know which is which, because it isn't always obvious. Normally what happens is we try and change things we can't change and get very frustrated and worked up and disturbed about everything.
And then we avoid doing the stuff that we actually need to be doing, and we're making a mess and swapping everything around and trying to change all these things that are absolutely impossible to change.
So this. This is literally something that we can think of in every single moment of our life. You know, so if you're having a challenge with someone in your life. Right. The first question is, can I change this person?
Sure. Any of you had any success changing anyone so far?
[00:03:42] Speaker B: No. No.
I want to know the difference.
[00:03:44] Speaker A: I'm sure we've all tried. You know, there must be ways of just sort of like twisting their arm just a little bit or whatever it is.
[00:03:51] Speaker B: But we actually. It's funny you should ask. This morning, I was talking to someone, and over the years, you know, the person tell me something, and I would say something and, you know, do this and do that and do. And then I realized, like, this morning, like, I think. I don't know when it stopped me saying, do this, do that, and just listen.
But this morning I was noticing there was no charge. They kept saying the same story, that they have this problem, this problem, this problem. And I didn't have a word. I needed to share in that.
[00:04:28] Speaker A: Like, okay, yeah, what a relief. Yeah. Because you can't change them after all. And they want to talk story, and that's their business.
And yeah. I mean, it's quite funny, isn't it, when. When we try and fix people, oh, you should just do this, this, and this and this and this.
How many times do people even do anything about it, realistically? You know, so one is trying to force people to change for our own benefit. The other is trying to get them to change because we think we know best for them. And. Which normally doesn't work either.
But what.
[00:05:04] Speaker B: Even if you think you. They need to change for their own benefit also, it doesn't work. Everyone should come to that realization on their own. Right?
Everyone comes to that realization on their own.
When they come to that realization on their own, then the change will happen. Till then, blessings and good wishes.
[00:05:23] Speaker A: Exactly. Blessings. Blessings, blessings. But the thing we can change is ourselves. And I've noticed that when.
When someone actually does something practically themselves, I feel. And it's something that I'm inspired by. I'm like, oh, that's great. Maybe I should do that as well. Like, if I see, like, positive actions happening, like, let's say somebody does a fast or something, or they do, like some, you know, exercise thing or whatever, right? And I'm like, oh, maybe I should do that. You know, if it's something that I'd already wanted to do and haven't been doing.
So the best way to get people to change is to do it yourself in. That's actually the only way anyone's going to be. Be influenced by, by you or by us.
So what can we change and what can't we change? Let's just look at that first of all.
What can we change, Shireen, in your opinion? What is in our control?
[00:06:23] Speaker B: My thoughts, my feelings, my good wishes, my blessings.
That's pretty much it.
[00:06:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
And you know, to some degree we can choose our food, you know, within reason, and we can. So we have certain lifestyle things within reason which may or may not be possible to maintain under all circumstances because life keeps changing around us. But there's a, there's a, you know, there's maybe like a list, maybe this big of things that we can, we have some control over, right?
So it's this little list, realistically. Thoughts, words, actions, and to some degree, lifestyle, right?
It's a small list. It can fit on like, like we could write it on like a piece of paper that's about, about this big, right? Like what we could change fits on something this big, that big, right? And then let's think about what, what we can't change. How long, how many things can we change?
[00:07:32] Speaker B: Billion. Billion things.
[00:07:33] Speaker A: Billions, isn't it? It's so we got, you know, we can't change other people, we can't change the weather, we can't change the government, we can't change the environment, we can't change the laws of physics. Like, like it just goes on and on. Can't change this person, then the details, this person, that person, this town, this town, these companies, this thing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it just, it just keeps on going.
If we were to ask AI to write us a list, what are all the things we can't change? It would be chugging out endless amounts of stuff for like 10 years. And we could print it out in this massive book and it would fill up all these warehouses.
And so it's pretty much everything we can't change. Actually, it's quite shocking when you realize the amount of things that are out of our hands and even our body, we can't really change it exactly what we want. Which is quite obvious to anyone who's tried to lose weight or change their body. It's like you do the best you can, but like you can't afford. You know, it's like, why isn't it.
So we do our best, but end of the day, even that is somewhat mysterious, isn't it?
So we have a long, long, long, long, long list and where are most of our waste thoughts coming from?
[00:08:52] Speaker B: From things we can't change, I'm sure.
But here is the thing. I was thinking that when, like if we focus on what we can change, right, like this one method I've been using a lot is to be a witness, to witness what's happening, right.
I feel that witnessing not only heals but also it really gives me the serenity to take from God, to have wisdom, to see what I can change, what I can't change. To do all of those things, right, like witnessing really helps.
[00:09:40] Speaker A: Being an observer, Being an observer. Spectator. Yeah, it's a wonderful word, isn't it Sakshi? Spectator, witness.
You know, one of the things I love about Raj Yoga spiritual teachings that I never heard of anywhere else is that this is a pre determined drama movie playing. What is life according to these spiritual teachings, life itself is a pre recorded movie that itself can't be changed.
That's the most profound level of what can and can't be changed. In a sense it's saying nothing can be changed at all in a way, isn't it? It's a very, very deep thing that there is this, it's just moving along. Like you press play on a, on a video or you go and see a film and you just watch it and it's just going to play out. And, and if you, if you watch a video, like let's say someone plays back this podcast, right?
I play it once and they watch it, they go back to the beginning and play again. It's going to be the same podcast because it's, that's what was shot.
This is a very, very, very deep thing just to step back and say whatever happens, like where's my phone gone? You know, like people phone me up and have all these messages everywhere, right?
Whatever, whatever messages end up on this phone is meant to happen exactly at that moment and not a moment sooner or a moment later, you know, so if someone gets back to me or doesn't get back to me or someone messaged me or doesn't message me or this thing happens, or this thing happens, I'm watching it occur and I can't control what shows up on here and I can't control what shows up around me.
The only thing I have is how am I going to respond to what's going on.
That's it. That's all I have. That's all any of us have.
And so can you see how much relief there is in just claiming back all the power? Because otherwise if we were to look at this, practically huge amounts of our time and energy is going into stuff we can't change. And it's draining out of us energy. It's just pulling all that good energy out of us, out of our mind and out of our body into this thing that can't be changed.
When we try and change the world around us, we drain enormous amounts of energy out of our being because we can't change any of that stuff. We can't change any of it.
It's amazing how much energy is wasted in a day. You know, how many thoughts, how many, you know, actions. We try and change things we can't change.
I've noticed myself, like sometimes I don't like something that's happened, and I try and fight against it happening, but there's a flow happening and it's many cases it's much, much more effective just to let go and just let it move because we can't change the energy. So someone might be in a certain state of mind and we're forcing this, this and this and blah, blah, blah. And I might think, no, no, I want to, and I have my opinion about this thing, but ultimately it's not going to make any difference. Whatever I say anyway, it's a complete waste of my time.
So the, the wisdom to know the difference. I think the shortcut to this is to have the attitude that basically everything can't be changed apart from my thoughts and feelings. That that's like the shortcut. I said I can't change anything, right? Just, I'm just going to let go, that all I'm going to do is take care of my health, my house, my mind, and the whatever I'm able to actually influence directly. And then everything else, I'm just going to be a spectator and enjoy the show because I. I can actually enjoy it from that perspective.
So there it is.
So next time you're stressed out, do the prayer. I think it's good to do this prayer a few times a day, actually, just to get in the spirit of it.
[00:14:06] Speaker B: I was thinking also to, to do an exercise right now. Why don't you lead us in one where like all of us take one situation that we are struggling with, right. And really ask ourselves that question.
What can I change in this?
What do I accept the way it should be?
[00:14:34] Speaker A: Yeah, that's great.
[00:14:35] Speaker B: And what courage do I need in this situation?
[00:14:41] Speaker A: Okay, so let's, let's think of one thing. Bring something to mind, right, that is bothering you right now in some way, whether it's a person or A situation or a health issue, a money issue, could be anything personal thing.
So think, bring it into your awareness.
And now let's ask the question, is this thing that is bothering you something where you personally have control over it?
You can actually change the outcome? Are you in a position practically and genuinely to influence and change it?
And if the answer is yes, then the question is, what is the next step? What practically can you do to change it today or as soon as possible? What is the actual thing within your control personally that you could do?
Just the next step.
And if the answer is no, which is often the case, then we need to surrender it up. Give it up to God, to a higher power, to the light, Completely, consciously surrender it so that I can't change this. So I'm needing the serenity to completely let it go.
Just like you're holding a heavy burden, I want to change. And you're choosing to let it go and feel the peace of releasing that stressful feeling just because there's nothing you can do. So I'm just. I'm choosing to surrender it up.
I'm choosing to hand over my burden to God, to the one who has all power powers, all magic powers, surrendering it.
And if you really let go, then you'll feel peace. You'll feel deep peace and serenity because you're letting go.
And I actually find that there's often situations where I can change something, but I can't change it now, right? Because sometimes there's a time and a place where you actually can take action towards something, and other times you can't do anything about it in that moment. Like if there's a situation where you want to talk to someone but they're asleep because they're in another country, or they're not available, there's nothing you can do in that moment. So until then, we can practice surrender, right? Like this morning I went for a walk, right? I have all these projects I'm working on. And I'm thinking, what about this? What about this? And I thought, well, there's nothing I can do about this.
So I'm going to surrender it to God and enjoy my walk.
Because there's no point me thinking about it either, actually. It's just a waste of time.
So we have two choices. Either are we surrendering something we can't change at all, or we can't change till later, or are we in the moment gonna take action or think differently about the situation and that's it. I mean, that's life, really. What a wonderful liberating way of living, don't you think?
What a wonderful way of living. And every moment this applies to us, doesn't it? Every single moment. Am I surrendering or am I taking action? I mean, there's really just two choices. Am I layingo and watching, or am I being a master of my life and my destiny and choosing to do the courageous thing, even if it's difficult.
So that is the Serenity Prayer in a nutshell.
And this applies to any situation, literally. I mean, you can think about anything at all that you're dealing with, even if it's a health issue. Let's say you're sick for some reason.
Is there anything you can do about it? Probably.
Then you take the action. But in some cases it's just nothing can be done at all. You just have to let go until the time comes.
So serene. What do you think about this?
Any thoughts?
[00:19:51] Speaker B: I think it's a wonderful exercise, you know, to really take time to see what challenges you're facing and to really apply the Serenity Prayer to that.
The other aspect is really to be a witness also.
Just take a moment and witness whatever is happening. Witness, even if you can't change it and you want to change it.
Like right now I am trying to get hold of someone who's chronically never returns phone calls.
And because someone else is waiting and something else is happening, right?
And so I want to change, even though I know I can't change this person, I don't want this other person to be waiting.
And so they have to communicate and they're not getting in touch with me. And so all of this, right? So I would like to change the situation. And I do understand I can't. But at this point, right, to witness.
To witness what is happening, just take a moment, remember you're a soul, remember everyone, our souls, and just witness. Witness with love.
Sending love, sending vibrations of pure feelings to everyone and just being very quiet. Actually, sometimes you don't even need to send anything. Just observe. Like you're watching a movie or something. Just observe.
[00:21:25] Speaker A: It's a wonderful feeling. And we can be in that state quite a lot of the time actually, because majority of situations, all we can do is be a witness. Being a witness is actually in our control. So funnily enough, doing nothing is still an action.
Witnessing is an action within our control.
So instead of stressing out, just let go. And like when in this situation you're dealing with, with this person, what is in your control is you can send endless messages and phone calls all day. Long. Which, which you could, but to, to after a certain amount of time. I mean, it doesn't make any difference, does it? There's no point, you know, so you have to think, is it, is it actually going to make any difference? I remember you giving me example with Dede Mamaeni Didi Mahini.
Hang on a minute while I'm trying to think. What, what was it she said?
You, you were talking to her and she said something like, you asked her a question, why don't you say something to these people who are doing something that should be different? And she said, what's the point? Is it going to make any difference?
That's very wise.
That's the wisdom to know the difference. So even though it's in someone's control to say something, the wisdom is, is it actually going to change the outcome?
And if the answer is no, then all it's going to do is cause the other person to be stressed out and not have a good feeling and not have a good outcome. So it's actually, it took time to have the conversation. The person now is more upset than they were and the outcome is unchanged, except now they're worse.
So doing nothing is significantly better.
Interesting, isn't it? I wonder how many situations doing nothing actually is the best solution.
[00:23:29] Speaker B: Good question.
Doing nothing or witnessing? Well, slightly different.
[00:23:35] Speaker A: Witnessing is not even.
[00:23:37] Speaker B: You're doing nothing. You're. You're doing nothing. You're just having a bunch of waste thoughts.
[00:23:41] Speaker A: Well, that wouldn't be doing nothing, would it? That would be doing nothing.
[00:23:44] Speaker B: But I, I don't know if there is. I think witnessing is the most neutral thing you can do.
[00:23:51] Speaker A: Yeah. Being a spectator of it, watching the.
[00:23:54] Speaker B: Great movie, that's the most neutral thing you can do. Because there is not nothing called nothing.
[00:23:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:59] Speaker B: You're either having race thoughts or you're not.
[00:24:03] Speaker A: I suppose someone could, for a short period of time, have no thoughts and just watch what's happening. But that is, I suppose what witnessing is ultimately is stepping back and saying, all right, let me see what's going on here.
And there's often that expression, just wait and see, wait and see. Because things have to play out in life. It. There's a time when things will start to play out and then you get a sense of what to do about it. But until then, just wait and see. Watch, step back, witness.
So witnessing is serenity, isn't it? In many ways, being a witness, you can be a serene witness and go, ah, this is interesting.
Yeah. Instead of being a backseat driver, oh, why is it Happening. Why is it happening? I don't like it.
[00:24:56] Speaker B: You know, neutrality in life is underrated.
It really needs to become front and center of our lives.
Neutral.
Just be neutral.
And you can be neutral when you witness.
[00:25:15] Speaker A: It's a beautiful thing.
Yeah.
[00:25:17] Speaker B: Otherwise you're always having an opinion. This should happen. That should happen. Why did this happen? That's be neutral.
[00:25:28] Speaker A: Yeah. The ego doesn't have to have an opinion about everything, and we don't really know what the best solution is for a lot of things that are out of our hands anyway, so it's just a complete waste.
[00:25:40] Speaker B: So, Brother Michael, what has been your experience? You said you've been using this serenity prayer for the last few months.
[00:25:50] Speaker A: Yeah, I find that the. The most. The wonderful thing about it is that I can let go, but just. Just surrender it to God and be a witness.
But there's hardly anything that I can change. And so let's say think of an actual situation that happened recently.
Yeah. Like this morning. So I went for a walk, and I have this endless stuff that needs doing, and I thought, well, I can't do anything about it, so I'm just gonna.
Just be a witness. Enjoy being here. Forget about everything else. Don't even try and change anything. Don't think about trying to change anything. Just give up completely.
And. And then I felt great. I had a wonderful walk, and.
And it was wonderful. Right. Because otherwise the mind is on its own track and life is happening over here, and it's not. There's nothing that can be done about it. And it's a waste of time.
And the same is true for pretty much every relationship. I can't change anyone else. If someone's available, not available, this happens. This doesn't happen. I mean, it's out of my hands most of the time.
So what I'm personally finding is that there's a lot of.
A lot of grace and a lot of peace that comes. So I feel more relaxed and more at peace with my life. And then the other side of it is that there are actual things that I can do. And so instead of having waste thoughts about random stuff I can't change, I'm like, well, what can I do?
And so I sit down and I say, okay, what. What is in my control?
And it might be like, you know, do this thing. Go to this place, send this message. You know, take, you know, whatever. Whatever details.
And then I just have the.
The time. Okay, well, let me just do the thing. Right. Just have the courage to just take action. And I can't control the outcome because I don't know what's going to happen after what I do, but I can take that action in that moment. And that's about it really. And then I can let go.
So it's take action and then be serene. I think that's kind of the essence of it.
Do what we can and then remain a detached observer and be serene about everything else. And then take action again. And then be serene, you know, Take action and remain serene. That's about. That's the new way of living.
It's very, very deep, right? Very, very deep.
[00:28:19] Speaker B: Not only that, what I'm noticing about many of these things that we share is one time, the dosage is important. One time you do it, you might not find a difference. Two times you do it, you might not find a difference. But over time, right. These practices do help.
They change your whole nervous system, actually.
Your whole nervous system gets changed because of it.
[00:28:48] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly.
And there's so many situations we can't change. Let's say I'm driving down the road and there's traffic.
If I'm in the eye trying to control the world mode, then I'll. My nervous system gets stressed out. This, this, and this and this. Why is this happening? It shouldn't be happening. Why am I waiting in traffic? Or we can say traffic is there.
There's some accident somewhere. I don't even know what's happened. It's ahead of me.
I'm just gonna sit and be serene and watch it and you know, just do something else while I'm here in the car, you know. And this applies again and again and again. Like if I go to the store, oh my God, they haven't got my favorite fruit, my cherry. The price of cherries is, you know, they haven't. Whatever.
There's no point. It is what it is. And I can just relax and enjoy myself.
So it's a very, very deep things worth thinking about, this worth saying the prayer again. So I will just finish with the blessing and the prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept all the millions and millions and billions of things that I cannot change in my life. Every the courage to take action and do those handful of things that I can change and the wisdom to know the difference.
Thank you very much for being here. And let's finish with a. Hello, Bonnie. Ready for your blessing?
[00:30:27] Speaker B: Okay, so today's blessing from God for you, for your serenity prayer is easiness.
The lightness you've woven into the fabric of your life allows you to journey through life's ups and downs with grace and courage.
You've mastered the art of transforming challenges into opportunities by making trust your guiding principle.
[00:30:57] Speaker A: Yay.
Thank you.
So may be serene and at peace and talk to you soon. Lots of love.
