Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Is there someone in your life that's really irritating to you, that they're stuck in your head and that you're thinking about, why did they say this? Why did they do this? You know, they're upsetting you in some way that's like getting on your nerves and you're thinking about it when you're going to sleep.
You know, we all know somebody who just gets. Gets in there and does something that just spins us out and makes our life a bit of a nightmare.
And so today's episode we're diving into, how do we manage that? These situations, it could be one person, it could be multiple people, it could be an organization.
And it's just ruining our peace, our peace of mind, making us feel emotionally disturbed.
I know how that feels personally, having had all kinds of situations in my life where I'm just like, oh, my God, like, why is this? And so we're going to be getting into. How do we clear that out with a proven method that actually works. And I want to tell you a story about one of my students.
She came to me and her sister had refused to talk to her for about 10 years. And it was really bothering her because they used to be so close and they had a disagreement many, many years ago, and she can't even remember what it was about at this point. And she's like, why won't she reply to my messages?
She's not getting back to me. I've sent her gifts, I've done everything. And her sister's totally ghosting her.
So I said, just do this one practice every day for five minutes and we'll tell you what the practice is in a minute. So she did the practice every day, faithfully.
And within about a month, out of the blue, after 10 years, her sister reached out to her, saying, I'm so sorry, I really miss you, and let's just put all that behind us.
[00:01:51] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: And now they're. They're close again. They talk every day after one month of doing this practice.
And so from her feeling constantly stressed out and like feeling guilty and bad and whatever the emotions, now she has a. Her sister back in her life. And they're, they're really close and they love each other.
And so we're going to be getting into how do we make this shift and how we can apply it to any challenging person or situation.
So welcome, welcome, welcome.
Shereen, how's it going? Isn't this a great topic?
[00:02:24] Speaker B: Yes, I love the topic and I love that story.
It's such a success story.
[00:02:30] Speaker A: I Was amazed. I always love hearing stories like that, right, People. I'm like, oh, wow. Yeah. Because you don't. Because it's like, if they do it sincerely, it's gonna work.
[00:02:37] Speaker B: You know, I have many stories too, where this particular practice really works, right? Should we name the practice before too long or wait for the suspense?
[00:02:48] Speaker A: Yes. We don't want to upset anyone. They're like, what is this practice? Tell me what it is.
So, come on.
[00:02:54] Speaker B: The practice is sending good wishes and pure feelings.
And it feels so counterintuitive.
But I remember this one time I went to a chiropractor, was having some weird problem somewhere, and the chiropractor, what she did was she barely touched me right here, there, there, there, like this. Like, it was one of those, you know, more recent chiropractic things where they don't touch you.
So she barely touched me here, there, there. And it was done.
I was like, what?
My back pain is gone. All of it is gone. And she barely touched me, right?
And I was thinking, when she told me, I was thinking, how is that connected with my back pain again, right?
I'm thinking, there's no connection. And so the same feeling, you might also think, right, My co worker is so annoying and so horrible.
And how is me giving good wishes and pure feelings to her connected?
And I will tell you a story about my co worker, actually, which is connected.
When I was working, I remember I just started working and, you know, really, I was fresh off the boat, actually. You know, of course I went to school here, but also just barely, barely out of India.
And I was so unsure about everything. And this co worker would give me such a hard time about everything, right? It was in those times where you had to actually do things and print out.
And something happened where I did something on the computer and it didn't reflect on the printer, in the printer. Because at that point, you had to save whatever you did on the computer and then print it and then it would reflect or something like that, right?
Not all of this stuff was going on at that point.
And I got yelled at so badly for making that mistake and wasting paper and this long lecture on wasting paper and this and that, right?
So I was like, I can't keep doing this, go to work, and every day brace myself. So all these things would happen. I would not expect anything to happen. I would show up and suddenly they would blow up and I would be like, oh, how could they? How could they do that? And my whole day is gone because they blew up. And then, you know, I would resent it, I would show it in my attitude and they would not like it. This, that, that, that all of that was going on.
And so one day I started my spiritual practice by then. And so one day I just sat down in our morning meditation and I just gave good wishes and pure feeling. Just good wishes and pure feelings. Just good wishes and pure feelings.
And it's so interesting that when I left that company, that person, you know, met me for lunch like a few months later.
And eventually just the good wishes and pure feelings really helped and we had a good working relationship for a few years. And then when I left a few months later, we had lunch and they were like, oh, we really miss you, we miss your work and you need to think of coming back and all of those things.
And so the good wishes and pure feelings really do work.
[00:06:48] Speaker A: So good wishes and pure feelings. Another name for this is the magic mantra. The magic mantra is good wishes and pure feelings because it is magic.
So you've got a situation where someone doesn't like you or you don't like them and there's all this bad vibes. And it's just whenever we have negative thoughts towards somebody or we're bracing ourselves or we're thinking bad, badly of somebody, we personally feel bad. So if I'm thinking negative thoughts about someone in my life, oh, this person's such an idiot. They would always screw everything up. They blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't like this. I don't like this. Just thinking those thoughts in my own mind is going to make me feel stressed because whatever I focus on, that's my reality.
So the magic mantra is magic because we're, we're changing negative random thoughts and feelings into positive ones. So good, good wishes and pure feelings rather than bad wishes and bad feelings, isn't it? Or negative feelings, isn't it? So it.
I like to invert things so you get a better sense of it, right? If I'm not sending somebody good wishes, like wishing, may they be happy, may you be healthy, may your life go well, may everything work out. And sending love and blessings. If I'm not doing that, then I'm sending anger, hatred, negativity, and thinking all sorts of bad thoughts, right? It's nice to flip things around because it's either one or the other.
Either we don't think of them at all. But if we are thinking to someone, is it.
Which, which direction is it going? And in either case, we feel in ourselves.
The moment we think a thought, we feel ourselves straight away.
[00:08:45] Speaker B: One thing Though I feel is, let's say you have a co worker who is really not doing the best.
And there is a place, time and place, I feel, where you talk to the person.
I think that has to happen.
But before talking to the person, while talking to the person, after talking to the person, the good wishes and pure feelings need to happen.
It's not replacing other things, right? It's not replacing other things. This is just an additional thing that if you have a difficult relationship that you're facing in your life, this is just an additional thing for you to do. And it works every single time. It works more than talking. It works more than going to mediation and this and that, because there are times when I've done that with people.
That sometimes works, sometimes doesn't work. But good wishes and pure feelings, like Michael said, is magic. And it works all the time.
[00:09:53] Speaker A: It definitely works. And it's. It's a matter of, like we've said in other podcasts, the dosage, right? We. We can't. If I'm thinking mostly negative about someone, but then I sneak in a quick good wish, maybe happy, but you stupid person, I'm gonna hear you then it's not, on balance, it's not really good wishes and pure feelings. So we have to fully flip it around and shift it into all love and blessings and do it long enough for it to work. I remember I had a situation where I needed to have an agreement with somebody and it was really difficult for me.
And someone was saying to me, just you, and don't even try and have any conversations about this practically until you've cleared your heart out first so that you genuinely feel the good feelings. Then you can have the hard conversation.
And then it worked out quite smoothly because I wasn't going into that situation with all those bad vibes, which would have made it worse.
So how do we actually practice this? Right. I think before we even get into the practice, it's worth recognizing why we don't want to do this. We don't want to do it sometimes because we feel justified in our resentments and like, this person's such an idiot. They don't deserve my good wishes. How it's not fair for them to get good wishes when they're doing all this bad stuff to me.
They shouldn't be doing it. How dare them do it. You know, these people should know better than this.
So a part of us, the kind of ego protection mechanism, can say they, they don't deserve it, right? And we can think we're protecting our heart by sending them bad vibes.
What do you think about that, Shireen doing that? Because this is a natural response, isn't it? Just to say, I don't like this person. I'm definitely not going to give them any good wishes and forgiveness or blessings.
[00:11:47] Speaker B: Right.
You know, I also feel that when we have bad vibes, right, when we have bad wishes, it's not necessarily. But we have bad thoughts. Let's say we don't have the best thoughts for this person.
There's some feeding going on.
I feel people feed off of this negative back and forth. There's a feed. It's that this person's anger or, you know, they. Like there was this one time, right, I had to deal with someone who was very angry all the time.
And I would, you know, think, you know, I would forget right in the night and the next morning I would think, oh, it's all going to be wonderful. It's all going to be fine.
And then, you know, come around, interact. Whenever I interact again, the anger comes and then I resent and then I resist and then I do all of that. At some point what I realized is that my, my resenting and my, my resisting and all of that, the person was feeding off of it.
And so you could feel justified. Like you're saying you could feel justified in thinking they deserve it and I need to have these bad thoughts about them. You could feel justified. But if you want the situation to progress, right, that's why we are talking to someone. We think the situation needs to get out of whatever. If you want results, then stop feeding it.
Stop feeding it by your resentments and your resisting it and your bad thoughts, stop feeding it. If you stop feeding it and send it good wishes, then it will change, the situation will change.
Because there's nothing for this person to feed off.
[00:13:47] Speaker A: Exactly. And it's also important not to think this person will never change.
They can never change. Because that's actually a curse. If I think these people are done for, they're never going to change.
Nothing good is ever going to come of this. There's no chance for them. Like they're sort of doomed, sort of that kind of. Because I was talking to someone recently who had a breakup with some friends and she was saying, then, you know, these people, they're never going to change. You know, I don't expect anything to happen. But not realizing that is unconsciously a curse.
[00:14:24] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:14:25] Speaker A: Because we don't want to have someone.
If I say no one's ever, they're not going to change. There's no hope for them. They're totally done for.
That's not good wishes and pure feelings, is it? Because like if I think about my own life, there was a point in my life when I was a teenager where I imagine people probably thought, Michael's never going to change, he's such a mess, he's never going to change, you know, But I turned out.
And so it's a miracle. It's a miracle.
So just because someone's going through a rough time right now and doing bad things doesn't mean that that's, that's it. Forever and ever and ever and ever. There's so many stories, if you just look at many people's lives that they went from one thing, they might have been in prison or they might have had a near death experience and come out the other end totally changed. So we don't want to hold anyone in limitation that they can't change just because they, they've been in a bad way.
And it's also important as part of this good wishes and pure feelings. And I've got a little book that goes with this episode actually that I wrote before which I put together for you. Of course.
[00:15:28] Speaker B: You have a book, Michael?
[00:15:31] Speaker A: Of course I have a book. Of course I have a book.
And one thing that is in that book which is all comes from these spiritual teachings from Raj Yoga, is that it's important to understand that when someone is negative and doing things that are harmful, the reason is because they are under an external influence, right? So let's say this, this student of mine, her sister, who wouldn't talk to her, right?
Why wouldn't she talk to her sister?
Because there's an external influence. It could have been family members who said you shouldn't talk to your sister. It could have been her own negative thinking or some sort of negative feelings, right? Some people, they might be addicted to drugs and alcohol, which is an external influence.
Do you know? I mean there's, there's so many dark forces and influences that can get the better of us, you know, that's why in astrology as the omens of Rahu and Ketu and all these different omens that come in, so there's all these different energies. And if we're under an energy or someone else is under an energy, they're acting out or we're acting out because of this external influence.
And I think it's very important to recognize that because then it allows our heart to have a bit more grace towards the person that they're kind of sick and they're unwell and they're under an influence, but they're not fundamentally bad because unless we have that in our heart, we won't be able to do the good wishes and pure feelings because we think they terrible person. They're doing this on purpose to hurt me.
They're not doing on purpose. They're under an influence and can't help it. So that's the first thing. Right. Before you even try and give any good wishes, have an attitude in your heart. The only reason anyone does something bad is because they are under an influence, a negative influence.
[00:17:43] Speaker B: Right?
[00:17:45] Speaker A: Right.
[00:17:47] Speaker B: One of the things that I was thinking about good wishes and pure feelings is you are the first recipient of every thought you have.
And so if I have garbage thoughts about someone, who's the first recipient? Me.
Right. Not only I'm feeling bad, then I'm. It's affecting my body also. Right. It affects the body.
And then before I know it, I'm sick and all of those things because emotionally I'm so distraught.
And so having good wishes and pure feelings is actually you're protecting your body. We do so many things to protect the body, to take care of the body. We do this, we do that.
This is like the best thing that we can do because the first recipient is you.
So yes, you're having good wishes for them, but then you, your own mental makeup, your own inner space becomes so pure and so clean and that it helps the body also.
[00:18:59] Speaker A: Absolutely. It's worth doing this for your mental and physical health, if not, no other reason.
So you could. Because it's possible that we so upset about something that someone did that we haven't got it in us to give them love and blessings for their benefit at a certain point. Right.
But like, I really don't like this person at all. But you can at least do it for your own mental and emotional health to start with. Right.
Because it's got to start somewhere. And, and it is a protection mechanism because if we're thinking negative thoughts that we're feeling negative feelings and that's bad for us. So if someone's doing bad stuff to you, you don't want to make it even worse and do bad stuff to yourself because that's twice as as harmful as it would have been otherwise.
So if you can't do it for them, do it for yourself. And then after a while you might actually do it for them. Because the interesting thing, I remember I had an accountability situation where I, I said I was going to give a check to, to certain political people Who I didn't like and didn't agree with, right. As a. As a way of, like, if I don't do this thing, this money to these people, I don't want to give it to, so I'll do the thing.
And I realized, having written all these checks out, that I started liking the people just because the fact that I'd written them a check, you know, because I'm like, you know, I can't. Because if I'm going to write a check to somebody, I'm. I must like them on some level, right. So I didn't, I didn't. Never didn't send any of the checks. I don't think so.
So the thing is, even if you don't like the person, if you start giving them good wishes and pure feelings, you will actually come around after a while, right. Just because that's it. Once it goes in a direction, it keeps going.
[00:20:50] Speaker B: Right.
[00:20:52] Speaker A: It's the same with songs that apparently what happens is they play these pop songs on the radio and the first time people hear them, they're like, God, this is just awful. And then they hear it again, oh, my God, not that song again. And after the 30th time, they're like.
Because it. I think it's called mere exposure effect, that you just sort of think, oh, this is actually kind of cool.
So just. We're mentioning this because you will come around after a while. And the people I've given good wishes to, who I didn't like, who have given me a really hard time, I actually feel good, genuinely feel good about them now.
Because a certain amount of time, it's. Something shifts emotionally.
[00:21:36] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:21:38] Speaker A: So how do we practice this? We have a few steps on how
[00:21:41] Speaker B: to do this because we have steps.
[00:21:45] Speaker A: Are you ready for a practice? Are you ready for a practice? Because we. We're telling you interesting things. But if you actually use it before, before we get into these steps, actually just think about one person who you're having a bit of a rough time with, and, and. And keep that person in mind as we go through these steps, because then you can.
When we're going to do a practice as well. But just get you warmed up for this and don't pick the hardest person in your life because it'll be harder. Pick someone who's mildly irritating to you. Right. Just start. Start, you know, slightly irritating, and you can work your way up.
[00:22:20] Speaker B: Right.
So. All right, so what's the first step is don't be surprised.
Do not be surprised. Right.
Every time we go into a situation we think, oh, my God, look what they did.
Right?
We should think, yes, they will do it. It's going to happen.
It's going to happen. Because then it's not coming as, oh, my God, look what they did. Surprise. Right?
I remember at work this, you know, two of my co workers were fighting.
One of them would wear perfume and the other one was. They had their own rooms, they were separate from each other, but for some reason, this one did not like that perfume. And they would go at it every day.
And one day I was like, she is going to wear the perfume.
You can't just.
That's going to happen, like, every day. You can't come in surprised, oh, look what she wore perfume. You. Right?
And so expect it. Expect it to happen.
That's one. You just totally expect it to happen.
And the second one, there's a Monty
[00:23:39] Speaker A: Python sketch that says, no one, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition.
And they just appear out of nowhere.
So you just. So you expect the unexpected.
[00:23:52] Speaker B: It's not unexpected, Michael. It's not unexpected. It's happening.
Like, if you really go back, it happens all the time. It's happening. That's why you're annoyed and irritated with the person, because it's happening a lot.
[00:24:09] Speaker A: That's true, I suppose. If it's not the first time, it's happening again and again and again. If someone likes wearing perfume, then they're going to keep wearing perfume. I mean, what's the.
[00:24:17] Speaker B: So you can't come to work one day thinking, oh, my God, look, she wore perfume again. I'm like, she wore perfume yesterday and the day before and the day before.
[00:24:25] Speaker A: And then you can imagine they can create a memo, a company policy that bans strong perfume or something, you know, but.
Oh, dear, oh, dear. Trying to change. We have to learn how to change ourselves rather than trying to change the world.
That's what it comes down to. So first thing is expect things to happen because they're most likely going to happen. Second thing is to practice in advance.
Practice giving good wishes and pure feelings before you're in the situation. Because once you're in front of someone who's triggering or once you get a message from them or whatever happens, or when you see them on. On the Internet, whatever happens, it's too late.
It's too late because it's going to be the trigger and then the reaction isn't it like this.
So we have to take a moment in the morning and say, all right, this is going to happen, most likely, and I am going to send good Wishes, pure feelings. What does that actually mean? It means, so let's say, for example, just think of someone in your mind who you're having a hard time with.
So you imagine them and imagine them healthy and happy and spiritually awakened.
So you. So you want to see them in their higher state, in their higher form, right? You don't want to see them doing bad things.
You want to see them happy and sane and healthy and joyful and liberated and like their higher self. Because everyone has a higher self, right? So you're focusing on their higher self because it does. It actually exist anyway. Everyone has a higher self inside of them. There's the real. The real them.
And then you. So you see them and then you feel good wishes and pure feelings. Pure feelings means, for example, you send them love, you send them peace, happiness. And then in your mind you're thinking, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may your life go well, may you feel wonderful, may you be spiritually awakened, maybe may everything be wonderful for you. And you're seeing them as if everything already is wonderful. And you're feeling blessings.
And doing this makes us happy, makes us happy. Just. Just because you're. Because remember, you're the recipient of your thoughts and feelings. So you're like, okay, maybe happy, maybe joyful. Maybe you're basically doing this for yourself. If you spend your whole day giving everyone good wishes and pure feelings and you didn't give it to yourself at all, you would still feel profoundly happy, right? Because it's coming through, isn't it?
If you're filled with happiness and joy towards everyone, you're going to feel it, even if you never think about yourself at all.
So you, so you wake up in the morning, give blessings, blessings, blessings. And you think, oh, it's great, it's great, it's great, it's great.
And until you feel ecstatic joy and your success, right? Then you can.
And then, then you have success and you think, oh, that was a wonderful morning. Hooray, hooray, hooray. So whether or not this person does this or that, it's a different matter. But I feel great. So that's the first step. We have to prepare yourself for success in the morning.
[00:27:56] Speaker B: The third step is where they.
We practice during the time during the situation that is happening.
Because, you know, we are living in a world where we are constantly interacting with people and they don't do what you want, and they have expectations and jealousy and not this and this and that, right?
And so it has to happen while the interaction is Going on while the interaction is going on, whatever we practiced in the morning, that has to happen.
See their virtue, give them good wishes, see the best in who they are. Like the best, their highest, then give it to God.
All of those things have to keep happening, right?
And that can only happen if you do the first step, which is don't be surprised if you're surprised. Then every time it will blindside you. That interaction will blindside you. If you come prepared, the first two steps, right, you are not surprised. One, two, you prepared in the morning, you took the person, you send good wishes and pure feelings. And so when the final interaction is happening during the day, the you're prepared now, you know what to do, right? You're not surprised and you know what to do. And every single time it really helps you. It helps you. But what I've noticed is 100% of the time it helps the other person to change. You know, remember I was telling you this co worker perfume and so the one who would be so annoyed, right, she wore the perfume and so she was a friend of mine, right? And so one day I sat and coached her. I said first she's going to wear the perfume, right? You need to understand that.
And then these, this thing, this is what we are going to think about her, right? This is what we are going to think, this is what we are going to do. And this is what you need to do. And you practice.
So you know, lo and behold, she did practice and it was interesting. That coworker who wore the strong perfume, I didn't think it was that strong really. I just felt it was a reaction. But anyway, whatever it is, I was like, I was just helping the person who wore the strong perfume found another job.
So it's a magic method.
Magic method.
[00:30:38] Speaker A: The magic method. She started working with fragrance company.
Well, yeah, it is a magic method. You just don't know what's going to happen. But what we're saying is, is may we feel good about the whole thing because it not only is, is it feeling good coming through, it's actually protection for bad vibes. Because if we're sending love and blessings, then if someone is sending us bad energy, it's being blocked, you know, like we're going to take sorrow unless we're giving happiness.
[00:31:13] Speaker B: Absolutely, absolutely.
[00:31:16] Speaker A: That's, that's what it comes down to. So if I'm not giving happiness, I'm taking sorrow and that, that's, there's no way around it because we're either involved in one or the other. So.
[00:31:26] Speaker B: And the other feeling I have, Michael, about this is I don't want my mind to be a receptacle for garbage thoughts.
I don't need to have these thoughts about this person.
Right. It's my mind, you know, I need to keep it pure.
Right. Like if someone, let's say my neighbor, gives me their garbage, will I bring it and put it in my home? No, I won't.
Why will I take their thoughts or their whatever they are doing? It's not my problem really.
My only concern and the only control I have is to make sure my mind is pure and clean and has good wishes and pure feelings for everyone.
[00:32:14] Speaker A: Yeah. And if we're not doing it, we're going to take on bad stuff and feel bad. So this is, this is a protection for our mental, physical, emotional, spiritual well being and it makes us feel good as well.
So let's do a practice. Is everyone ready to practice? Everyone can think about.
We're going to do two versions of this. First version is we're going to send love and blessings, good wishes, pure things, someone we like.
We're going to start easy and then we're going to do one for someone we don't like. And then later on you can do someone you really don't like.
Right. Because we don't want to start with the people we hate the most because it's too hard. Right. Start with, start easy. So let's think about someone who you already like anyway, who you think is a wonderful person and you're grateful for them in your life.
So just bring them into your mind, into your heart, this wonderful person.
And imagine them happy, healthy, imagine them wealthy, imagine them having everything they need and feeling absolutely wonderful.
And they're having a wonderful day, wonderful life, they're very grateful, feeling healthy, wealthy, happy, spiritually awakened.
And just send loving feelings from your heart, send them good feelings, send them happiness and peace, love, And you can think in your mind. May you be happy, may be healthy, May your whole life go well.
May you be relaxed.
And may you be safe and secure.
And isn't that nice? Isn't that nice to give everyone blessings? It's a nice feeling to have, you know, just see the love and blessings, good wishes.
So you can do that with your friends and family or your pets, give blessings to your cat, give blessings to projects. But this is mostly for human beings.
You can do the same thing for God, although God doesn't need, really need your blessings, but you can send your love.
And now are we ready to practice on someone we don't like very much, who's causing us various kinds of distress.
So don't pick the worst person. Pick someone who's moderately irritating to you on a spectrum.
And now, first of all, remember, this person isn't under an external influence. They can't help it.
They're under negative thoughts. They're under deception, confusion, and other influences.
They're, they're, they're in need and they're having a hard time. That's, that's the first step.
So you can't expect them not to get upset because they're in an upset space. Hurt people. Hurt people.
And now become aware that they're a spiritual being and they have a higher self.
And see them free from deception, free from influences, see them happy, free, healthy, loving.
And you can think, may you be happy, maybe free, Maybe full of love and peace.
May your life go well.
And send love and blessings in your heart.
Love and good wishes, peace.
And just see them in a happy, healthy, wealthy way where they're. You're friends with them and everything is great.
Congratulations.
So there we have it.
[00:38:03] Speaker B: That was good.
[00:38:06] Speaker A: Yeah. So if you do that, do it for two weeks to a month, every day, keep in mind, the more you practice, the better it is. Like the person I was telling at the beginning of this session, she did it every day for about 20 minutes, and then miracles happened, but she immediately started feeling better. So do this for yourself first and foremost, and if nothing else comes of it, at least you'll feel better.
And that itself is a huge success.
Wonderful. Do you want to have blessings?
[00:38:40] Speaker B: Yes.
This is God's blessing for you. Cleanliness.
You've embraced spiritual growth by nurturing your heart with pure feelings.
You let go of grudges and understand that simplicity and innocence lead to a clean mind.
You are conscious of your inner world and feel joy in sheer being.
[00:39:14] Speaker A: Yay.
So there it is. Blessings. Blessings. Blessings. Have a beautiful week and share this with someone who needs it. If there's anyone who would need help with not feeling so stressed out about these people in their life, if you have any questions, let us know in the link below. We can ask us questions and thank you for being here. Lots of love.
