Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Imagine someone asks you to do something that you don't want to do, and before you've even said anything, your mind's thinking, I don't want to do this. But what are they going to think if I say no? Will they think I'm selfish?
Will they think that I don't care? Will it ruin the relationship? How can I get out of this? What can I say that's going to work?
How are they going to feel?
Right. All these sorts of things can come up, and something that is just a genuine question of whether or not you have capacity to do something, whatever the right thing to do is, goes out the window and it becomes this whole drama and it becomes almost impossible to say no. And then you might say yes begrudgingly, but in your head you're saying, no, I don't want to do it, but you still say yes.
And then you feel resentful or stressed out or overwhelmed afterwards.
Has it ever happened to you?
Well, welcome to this episode where we're going to unpack exactly why that happens and how you can graciously say no in a loving way that doesn't ruin your relationships and in fact, might actually make them deeper and more meaningful.
Welcome to Spiritual Sense Podcast. I'm Brother Michael and this is Shireen. Sister Shireen. Hello, Shireen. How are you doing?
[00:01:21] Speaker B: Hello, Michael.
Yes, so welcome to all our listeners. I'm really happy they are here. I'm really happy you're here for this wonderful episode because I've been thinking about this topic for a while, big topic.
[00:01:38] Speaker A: And I'm sure you get lots of opportunities to say no or to say yes.
[00:01:44] Speaker B: I have a lot of opportunities to say yes when I mean no.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
And, you know, it can come across. You think, well, am I being selfish?
Should I do it? Am I. Do I really not have the time?
What are they going to think?
How will I be perceived? Won't they like me afterwards? I mean, all kinds of stuff can come up, can't it? When we try and deal with this, and it happens in an instant in the background of our mind.
[00:02:14] Speaker B: You know what I've discovered, Michael, about this?
That it has nothing to do with them, but it has to do with our identity.
Because what's happening is most of the time we are managing our identity in their minds.
Like if I'm in a relationship, a friendship with you, let's say, or even co host or whatever. Right. I'm busy managing my identity in your mind.
And that actually really messes us up, because I cannot decide I should be Okay. I should be free. The word is free. There has to be freedom from what other people think of you, and that's very, very important to be able to manage disappointment. If you are not free from what other people think of you, then you're busy managing your identity in their heads.
[00:03:22] Speaker A: Sounds very complicated. Can you explain what that means? Identity in someone else's head?
[00:03:30] Speaker B: Let's say someone is in a friendship and people are so.
They have lost their sense of self so much that we don't even know we are doing it.
But we are busy managing our identity in other people's heads.
What are they thinking of?
[00:03:53] Speaker A: Me.
[00:03:56] Speaker B: I want them to think nicely of me. I want to please people.
[00:04:01] Speaker A: I.
[00:04:01] Speaker B: You know, all of that is I am thinking about my identity, what they are thinking of me, which is my identity in their head.
That is. What is it? That. What. How am I being represented in their head?
[00:04:17] Speaker A: Right. So we're trying to manage how they think about us.
[00:04:22] Speaker B: Yeah. How they perceive you.
[00:04:23] Speaker A: We're trying to have a. An idea of. I want people to think of me in this particular way, and therefore I'm choosing to do this or not do this. So they think better of me, or they think I'm a nice person or they trust me or they like me or whatever it is.
And if we do something different from what we think would make them feel good about us, then there's some sort of internal crisis.
[00:04:49] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:04:50] Speaker A: Because we don't want to be thought of as a bad person or a greedy person, a selfish person, inconsiderate person, or whatever it is.
[00:05:00] Speaker B: Right, Right. And you know what happens is I want to. First, let's talk about disappointment itself. Right.
So let's say someone asks you to pick them up from the airport.
So someone says, michael, come and pick me up from the airport.
And you saying, yes, I will come and pick you up. And then not showing up to pick them up, that's a different thing. That's not disappointment.
Right. That's like actively, you know, saying something you'll do and not doing it. Right.
It's kind of like hurting someone. That's active harm.
But let's say someone asks you, michael, come and pick me up from the airport. And you say, no, I'm not able to pick you up from the airport.
And they are disappointed that you said, no, you're not able to pick them up from the airport.
And that second disappointment is what we need to be dealing with. The first one is actually you saying you'll do something and not doing that's not disappointment. That's the act of harm.
The second one is what we have to be dealing with.
[00:06:19] Speaker A: You know, this. This reminds me of my continuous saga with the tailors in India.
Like, it's. This is just classic. I learned so much from this situation where I would go to the tailors because it's all custom clothes, right? And I get. They all take my measurements and I say, I want this fabric and I want these tops and I want these trousers and I want this stuff.
[00:06:42] Speaker B: And.
[00:06:42] Speaker A: And they say, okay, yes, yes, yes.
When? And then I say, all right, when shall I come back to pick it up, pay for it?
And they're like, oh, come on Tuesday. Come on Tuesday.
I'm like, okay. So then I go all the way back, and then I come all the way back into town on Tuesday. Like, they agreed. And I'm like, okay, I've come to get my stuff. And. And they say, well, it was a public holiday and my brother had a
[00:07:09] Speaker B: wedding, and their brothers have weddings all.
And.
[00:07:13] Speaker A: And I'm like, all right, that's all right. I've just taken, like, half an hour to get here.
When is it actually really going to be ready? And then, oh, come tomorrow, come tomorrow.
And I come tomorrow. And I'm like, all right, here's the money. Where's the stuff? Right? And they're like, well, you know, my aunt, something, something. There was a celebration. There's a bank holiday.
I'm just like. I'm like, look, I don't care. It can be in two weeks. I don't mind. Just tell me when.
Like, this was. It was driving me. And I think eventually I said, you're going to have to pay me money. Let's have an agreement. If you don't give it to me on time. I had to come up with some weird, like, penalty involved in this, like, get them to, like, a date.
And then eventually we got. We're on the right track and it was all good. And I actually could call them up, actually, it was helpful. Is it done yet?
Even sometimes I'd call them up, like, is it done? Oh, yes, yes.
So this is exactly what you're talking about. Where over promising. Because I said to them, look, I don't mind.
I really don't mind if it's not available for a week, but I can't keep coming in and not have any clothes. This is ridiculous at this point, you know. So that's the one you're talking about, right? Where you over promise something? Oh, yeah, I'll be there.
[00:08:36] Speaker B: No, no, that's not the one I'm talking about, that's really over promising and not doing it is really not the
[00:08:43] Speaker A: best way to deal with relationships. The tailors are my friends. Like that. We had a good laugh, but it was kind of hilarious.
[00:08:50] Speaker B: The second one, right. If they tell you, if the tailors tell you, michael, I cannot do this for you tomorrow, even if you say you need it, I'm going to do it next week, Monday, come and get it. And you're really disappointed because you're leaving on Saturday, Right? That's the kind of thing I'm talking about.
[00:09:11] Speaker A: Exactly. That's what we're saying. Yeah, that's the one.
And so that. But the good thing about that is that in that situation I can then rearrange my life and go to another tailor or do something else rather than being lied to where I don't know what's going on.
[00:09:28] Speaker B: Right, right.
You know, sometimes. Right. Picking people up from the airport or even Taylor's or something. It's not like close relationship.
Like, let's say you're married to someone, you're living with them and you're really afraid of disappointing them.
Like there's so many times when you want to say no and you end up saying yes, either because you don't want to keep hearing them or you don't want to deal with their passive aggressiveness or you don't want to have like so much of it is because you don't want to disappoint people.
And we think, I'm such a nice person, I don't want to disappoint people.
But it's actually a loss of identity. I don't know who I am as a person.
And that's why I'm afraid what they will think about me.
You know, let's say someone asked me, one of my friends asked me, I want you to come to this event on Wednesday and it's at 6:00.00. And instead of saying no, I'm not able to make it, I give her 10 million reasons, oh, you know, I have to do this on Wednesday and then this morning I have to do this and this in the evening. And that isn't that. Why am I giving such a long explanation?
I'm giving such a long explanation because I want them to feel okay with my no.
I still want them to love me because I'm saying no. I still want them to think highly of me because I'm saying no. I'm not free from what their perception of me is. I'm managing my identity in Their heads.
[00:11:17] Speaker A: Yeah, it's exhausting. And people pleasing is very unhealthy for ourselves, isn't it? Because then my experience when I've, when I've done this is that I've said yes. I mean, one example is I went to a retreat and someone asked me to do some ridiculous dance thing which I'm not even very good at dancing. And I'm like, why the like, do you know? I mean, so like you can get into.
Because I did. I was people pleasing and I was like, I mean, I don't.
So it's, it's, it's very easy.
Basically we think if I say no, then I will be disliked or I won't be loved or I will be punished or something bad will happen or I'll lose something.
That, that's why this is difficult to get out of. If, if there was no consequences of saying no, then we would say no all the time. Just straight up, no, I can't do it.
But afterwards, the amount of times I've said yes to something when in fact I didn't mean to say yes, I meant to say no.
And then I have all these negative feelings and stress and resentment and all this stuff because I didn't want to do it.
So. And then because of that ends up being somewhat passive aggressive or negative or. And then that ends up harming the relationship anyway.
[00:12:43] Speaker B: It's a tough one, right? It's a tough one, that one. The second one where you're married or you're, you know, in a close relationship with someone and you're like, oh God, I have to say yes now.
And we really mean no. I really feel that there has to be a boundary.
We, we think or we are being nice. We think people pleasing is a nice thing. It's not a nice thing, actually. People pleasing, it's really a lack of self respect, a lack of swaman. A lack of swaman means. Swam means self and man means dignity. That there is like swaman is the Hindi word that you don't honor yourself enough and that's why you're doing it. But you think you're being the nice person and you want them to think you're being the nice person. That kind of a dance doesn't go anywhere, doesn't help anyone.
[00:13:37] Speaker A: No, it's based on weakness and lack of truth and not being honest as well, isn't it?
And I mean, how I think about relationships is that if we can't, if we can't be honest about what's really going on and how we Feel and what's happening, it's not a very good relationship, you know, it's not going to get very far anyway, really.
I mean, someone actually asked me to, someone I didn't even know, send me a message to drive down two and a half hours to the airport to drive him around somewhere to find something.
There's no way I said yes to that, right? Because this is an absurd thing to say, but other, other people are wanting me pick them up from the airport and I'm like, I'll just buy you a shuttle. Do you know what I mean? You just get out of the plane and the shuttle will pick you up and take you straight here.
Because I don't want to drive down to Phoenix through all the traffic. It's chaos. It really is.
And so this problem is solved, isn't it? There's. There's alternative solutions to a lot of things, isn't there, that doesn't have to stress us out.
So.
[00:14:50] Speaker B: Yeah, this is even when there is no solution, right? Michael, if you want to say no, we have to have the courage to say no. We have to have the courage. You know what requires courage in this instance?
It requires courage to be okay with what people think about you, right?
That you have to be so stable in your own swaman, in your own self respect that you're okay with anything anyone thinks about you.
[00:15:24] Speaker A: It's. It's actually exhausting and impossible to maintain the reputation that we think we can maintain in other people's heads, Jimmy. Because it's, it's not a realistically sustainable thing to people, please, indefinitely, perfectly, all the time. So sooner or later we'll let.
[00:15:46] Speaker B: Yeah, you end up presenting yourself.
[00:15:48] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:50] Speaker B: I remember one of my friends, right, she was telling me about her marriage. I mean, she's still married and everything is fine. But she was telling me how in the beginning of her marriage, she's been married a few years now.
She was telling me in the beginning of her marriage how she would just take nonsense from her, you know, sister in laws and how, you know, like how she would really try to please them and you know, really at the risk of her losing her own self respect. Right.
And she says now when I look back, I'm not even upset with them for what they did.
I'm upset with myself for doing what I did.
And I was thinking, at least you're being honest because we forever go around blaming other people for what's going on with us.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: Yeah, they're just asking for things. We're the ones who get chose. Yes, or no.
And I remember a situation where this many years ago, it's a powerful example of this where someone who was coming for meditation classes, she had her son living with her.
And because he, he didn't have a job at the time and he wanted to stay there, but it was to this little house, right? So they're all packed together and his wife is there and little kid and it was just too much, right? And she was like, I can't, I can't like tell him to leave, he wants to stay.
How is he going to get his own place? Like going on and on and on about this, right? And I said to her, do you realize that you're having a very low vision of your son?
You're seeing him as somebody who's incapable of getting a job, getting his, getting a house of his own, like being successful. And you're actually trapping him in, in a limited vision to try and sort of people, please, this is a weird dynamic. Like you're actually causing him all kinds of problems with this situation.
And it, she actually was shocked out of this and she realized that that is what she was doing. And then she went back and told him he needs to leave.
And, and then he got this amazing place on this huge estate, like this massive lands with loads of money. And then he went and moved somewhere else and got this great job afterwards, right? But she was saying yes to something and holding him in a low vision, that was bad for him and bad for her.
And I think like, when we say that we have to sort of save everyone, we're not giving them an opportunity to find other, other alternatives. It might be better for them. You know, it's like, right, right. We're not the only person who can help this person.
And there could be 10 other much better options for them that would be happier for everyone.
And I like to think about, is it a win, win, win situation? Meaning, like, if I say yes to this thing, do I win?
Like, am I feeling good about it and benefiting? Do they win?
And is there some other win? Like, does some other people win? Is there some other benefit? You know, like, how many wins can we get? Because if, if they're losing, if I'm losing and I feel resentful and stressed out and I haven't got time and I'm burned out and they're kind of like, not necessarily getting the best vibes from me and maybe there's a better option and then there's some other negative consequence of it, then this is seriously bad situation, you know, that There could have been a much better option. That never happened because I said yes.
Because there's so many options in life, isn't there? So many different varieties of ways of things can happen.
[00:20:08] Speaker B: One of the things I feel, these situations, right, not people pleasing, not disappointing other people, all of these are actually messengers.
They are messengers trying to tell me how I actually, what is my vision of myself?
How do I think about myself? Who do you. Who do I think I am?
And if I address that, who am I really?
Who am I? That's the only question we need to address in these situations. Who am I?
And the answer has to be very elevated and very spiritual.
And if it comes down any lower than, you know, any lower than the highest vision I can have for myself, who am I?
Then I'm really telling myself the wrong story and I'm trapping myself in that story.
[00:21:11] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, everything we do is based on our identity, isn't it?
[00:21:15] Speaker B: Everything.
Everything.
This loss of identity. Right. I wasn't going to bring it up, but I'm going to bring it up.
One of the things I feel social media and any feed that is doing to us is because they have become so, so good at would take years to know someone this well. But because all of the feed, all the algorithms and the feed, any feed, any TikTok, YouTube, any feed you take is actually Instagram. Any feed is powered by AI.
So what they do, what AI does is even if you pause for a little bit on a video, it tracks that.
If you almost wrote a comment and deleted the comment, it tracks that. It tracks what comment you would have written. It tracks the videos you looked twice. It tracks, oh, this video you looked and then this video you looked, then it will correlate why you looked at this video in this video. So it's very, very powerful. It's a very, very powerful tool. Right? The AI that they use is very powerful. It's so powerful that can, it can solve all of the medical problems in the world. That's how powerful it is. But instead of solving the medical problems in the world, they have directed so that they can keep us engaged
[00:22:48] Speaker A: with stupid nonsense.
[00:22:50] Speaker B: This, with stupid nonsense. Because the top three companies in the world made $600 billion in 2025. 600 billion.
Because it's called attention economics. No, with your attention, they're making that much money.
Okay, there's a problem.
There are two problems with this.
One problem is your attention, which is the most important thing is going to nonsense.
And second, it's not just reading you, it is the Algorithm. The feed is not just reading you, it is molding you.
It's molding you to something you're not.
And so I feel that this loss of identity is happening more rapidly because of our addiction to social media, our addiction to the feed, it's just very rapid and we don't even know we're realizing it because their main problem, the main, not problem, the main, you could say the main objective of any company, whether it's meta or Alphabet or bytedance or any company, right? The main objective is how do I keep this person engaged in the feed, Right? That's because engagement is what drives the $600 billion.
And so half, more than $0.6 trillion has decided that they would rather have you engaged. And to keep you engaged, they have to slowly mold you, mold you to think, yes, that outrage that you just saw, that's you.
Yes, that beautiful person you just saw that could be you. And you're not you. So you're horrible, you know? Yes, that, you know, beautiful girl or whatever, that relationship you just saw, that could be you and you need to go pursue it and then you need to give us more money to do it and whatever, you know.
And so you're losing your identity and you don't even realize you're losing your identity. And because of that loss of identity, so many other problems are happening in your life.
So if you had a people pleasing problem, let's say this much, let's say 5%, you had a people pleasing problem.
Now because of social media, you don't realize, you think I'm making this up, but there is a connection. There's a connection between social media loss of identity and any problem you have, actually.
[00:25:44] Speaker A: So how is this directly or indirectly related to people pleasing and saying yes and disappointing people?
[00:25:53] Speaker B: It's a catalyst. This loss of identity is a catalyst that just exaggerates our weaknesses, exaggerates our people pleasing. It's a catalyst.
[00:26:08] Speaker A: So if we lose our sense of identity, then we can't make good decisions, Is that what you're saying?
[00:26:16] Speaker B: Yes. And actually you might think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not exaggerating. This really connects, right? It connects you losing yourself in random content.
And even though you feel, oh, it's beneficial and this and that, you're still losing yourself in random content.
And because you're losing yourself in random content, you are losing your sense of identity. And because you're losing your sense of identity, any small things you had before, that problem just exacerbates, it just increases and increases. And if you think you're going to come out of any of these things by not allowing yourself to sit in your true identity, you cannot, like, you can't just say, I'm not going to disappoint people.
It doesn't happen that way. There's a part of us that has to have a very solid sense of our most elevated identity.
And then we sit in that swama, that self respect of this very elevated identity.
And then I'm able to really look at myself and see who I am.
Like, how many years will we manage what other people think of us?
[00:27:42] Speaker A: I mean, it's not gonna work anyway because even if you do everything supposedly perfectly, you're still going to upset somebody at some point for some random reason that they're, I mean, I remember reading this book Essentialism, which is great book, when he was saying that a lot of people, business people, they're very afraid of saying no to everything because they think they'll lose clients or some bad thing will happen.
But he was saying that when he coached his clients to say no nicely. So for example, someone said, can you join this meeting? Can you help me with this project? Can you like come to this thing?
They would say, you know, I'd love to do that.
However, I have disappointment and unfortunately I won't be able to do it. But maybe so and so might be able to help you. Or even if there's maybe it is not a solution, but I just can't do it for these. And like they actually respected the person more because they were being real. And the author was saying one time his wife was about to give birth, right. And he left the hospital to go to this meeting that didn't work out.
[00:28:58] Speaker B: When everyone really well over with that with the wife.
[00:29:02] Speaker A: Yeah. And like, and afterwards he's like, they didn't respect me. It was, everyone in the room's like, what are you doing here?
You know, it didn't, it wasn't a good meeting. And of course he wasn't there for his wife. So he really like that hit him hard, like, what am I doing?
So this is a, it's a big deal. I mean, and I think one of the ways that I personally find it easier to do this is that I say I, I'd love to or I wish I could or something, something, something.
But this. But I'm not going on 5 hour long explanation on trying to make them like me. I'm just saying no.
But, but I think if you say no directly, it can, it's like if you're going to disappoint someone, at least try and disappoint them with a bit of grace that think, you know, there's no need to say, no, I'm not doing it. You know, because why. We don't need to be nasty about it. We can just say, I'd love to. However, something, something, something. And if possible, here's some other way of getting your needs met.
Because, I mean, I think it's worth, for me at least worth thinking, like, is there some other way that I know about that they could get what they want so that they have a.
Like as an off ramp for them, you know, for off. Off ramp for me in a different solution for their situation that feels better. If there isn't one, then that's fair enough.
So I think. And we have to practice this if we're not used to it. If someone's always says yes to everything, then it needs to be practiced, I think.
Otherwise. Otherwise, when someone says, can you do this thing?
Oh, sure. Oh, why did I say that? Oh, my God.
So what do you do? What's your approach? Shereen? How do you say no nicely?
[00:31:04] Speaker B: I don't know if I would say nicely. Nicely is a stretch.
[00:31:11] Speaker A: Go away. Never ask me again.
[00:31:15] Speaker B: No, no. Okay. That's also. That's the other extreme.
But I don't have a problem with words.
So can you give me a example?
Okay. Recently I had to say no. Okay. This is. Okay. There's a new part of me coming out, right.
And before I would be like, oh, you know, I tolerate a lot of nonsense from people because, you know, I have to, you know, the volunteers, I have to, you know, take care of them, this and that.
And now I'm.
Now I'm like, no, that's not working.
It's definitely not working.
And so I'll just say, you know, not at this time, I'm not able to do it.
That's it.
And I send them a lot of good wishes.
[00:32:24] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, I mean, that's what it comes down to.
Yeah, I mean, that's. That's still softening a bit. You're not just saying no, you're saying, at this time, I can't do it.
I'm sorry. I mean, or not even I'm sorry. Just, I can't do it right now.
I mean, I think it is.
[00:32:46] Speaker B: I try to be a little sweet about it. I try to be sweet about it. I give them enough advance warning, caution, you know, this might not work out. And I'll get back to you Then I'll get back to them and say, you know, let's, you know, it didn't work out like that.
[00:33:04] Speaker A: Yeah. I think one of the people who's a master of this is Dan Kennedy. He's a marketing guy and he's, he's just like, nobody can get in touch with him at all. And he says no to absolutely everything all the time.
So that when, when he actually says yes to something, it's like a, like a remarkable event. People are like, oh, my God, this is a miracle. Right? Because it means a lot when he says yes because he doesn't say it very much. And he, he has actually consciously developed a reputation where he's not going to say yes so that he doesn't get asked in the first place. And if he does, it's a big deal.
Whereas other people have gone the opposite without thinking about it, where they just say yes to everything, and if they say no, it's a big deal.
So I think on a spectrum somewhere, I mean, I think pro should be.
Well, it depends on the person, really depends on your capacity and whatever you're doing. But I try and be closer to the don't expect me to do anything camp so that if I do say yes, I'm saying it meaningfully rather than people always expecting something. Because, because the truth is I can't do everything. I mean, if I said I can barely do half the stuff I want to do myself, let alone anything else. So it's, it's.
And also we have to ask the question, like, why are we here exactly on this planet? Like, what is. What is the best use of our time?
What's. What's the highest good for all? How can we genuinely be of the greatest service?
These. That's the harder question, isn't it? That's the harder question, isn't it? What, what am I? What's the best use of my life?
[00:34:50] Speaker B: You know, what happens is, let's say even if you answer the question, why am I here?
That question itself is a little hard because your, your reason for being here could be two things, two or three things, and two or three things are constantly conflicting and you don't have time for those two or three things.
[00:35:09] Speaker A: That's true. That's true. Well, you've got to have some. We've got to have some basis of saying yes or no to things though, haven't we? There's got to be absolutely reason behind the. It can't just be like, I'll just flip a coin and then I'll decide After that, whether or not I'm going to say yes or no. So I remember there was a great quote from, from, I think it was pre. Peter Drucker, who's a management expert. Most of this management stuff comes from his teachings. And someone sent him a. An invitation to contribute to a book and he wrote this incredible response that said, as much as I appreciate your inviting me to this book, the truth is I'm gonna have to decline because my entire life is about doing what. What I need to do, what, what I feel God has put me on this earth to do.
And that means I have to say no to everyone else's demands of everything else. Otherwise I won't be able to do it, basically. And that's his. But he was extremely productive and effective in what he was doing because he knew exactly what he wanted to do with his life.
And he did a great work actually, because of that. But his just blanket thing was just no, you know, to pretty much everything so he could do what he was doing.
And I like to think that every.
This is a quote I learned years ago. Every yes, let's say someone says, can you do this thing? And I say yes, it is automatically no to every other thing I could be doing at that time.
So anytime I say yes, I'm saying no to everything else. And every time I say no, I'm saying yes to some other thing. That. That's basically what it comes down to. So every yes is a no and every no is a yes.
So, I mean, that's the bigger issue, I think.
If we're going to say no, why, why not? What are you doing instead? That's better than that.
And, and I think the same thing applies to ourselves, actually. Like if I'm saying yes to one thing I'm working on or doing, by definition I'm not doing anything else. And then maybe there's something else that would be better for me to be doing than what I was doing anyway.
So we've probably left our wonderful listeners with more questions than answers here. But that's all right. That's what life's about, isn't it? Figure it out.
[00:37:39] Speaker B: We were talking about disappointing people and I was wondering if you could do a, like a practice session on how to deal with. If you, you know, there are people in your life you can't really get rid of and they are asking you something and you really want to say no, but you're saying yes, how do you deal with that?
Right. I want you to imagine a situation.
And it could be a situation in the recent past or it could be a situation that constantly comes up.
And I want you to visualize that person asking you to do something you don't want to do.
And then now I want you to visualize you saying no to that.
And now I want you to visualize that person getting really, really upset with you.
Don't smooth this out right. They're really upset with you for you saying no. Just visualize it.
And now I want you to feel yourself free from that and see yourself as this beautiful, peaceful soul. Pick a self respect.
I am a pure soul.
I'm a lovely soul.
I'm God's child.
I'm a powerful soul.
Something very elevated about yourself.
And just stay in that, stay in that self respect just for a few moments.
I'm a peaceful soul.
That is who I am, who I am at the core. I'm a peaceful soul.
And that is your self respect.
And now I want you to give this other person lots of good wishes and pure feelings.
Don't resent them, just give them good wishes and pure feelings.
[00:40:47] Speaker A: It.
[00:41:21] Speaker B: And now go back to that situation and your no to them should be filled with good wishes and pure feelings.
So keep practicing. Every time you say no, fill it with good wishes and pure feelings. Don't fill it with resentment and they will accept it.
But most importantly, you freeing yourself from what they think about you.
[00:42:04] Speaker A: Beautiful.
So it's a good thing to practice, practice, practice, get good at it. And, and also I think it's worth developing a reputation where you don't say no, don't say yes to everything all the time so that people don't get as upset because we can't realistically say yes to everything permanently in a practical way.
And then when you do say yes, people know that you mean it because you don't say it all the time anyway.
So these are very, very deep things. And what are you going to say yes to instead? How much energy do you actually have and do that practice that Shireen just shared. That was great.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
[00:42:56] Speaker B: Oh, blessing.
[00:42:58] Speaker A: One last thing I'll mention actually is there's a concept if someone some of you might know called spoon. So I'm not sure who came up with this, but like people say your energy is like how many spoons do you have in a day? So if you have like 10 spoons, you can give two spoons to this project and three spoons to this person and then one spoon for this thing and this, this, you've only got so many spoons. In a day, practically speaking.
And so you can't give your. You can't give spoons. You haven't got to things. And so, like, when you think of it that way, you're just saying no because you haven't got the capacity, you haven't got the spoons for it.
And I've had people actually say to me, you know, I'd love to do this thing, but I haven't got any spoons left.
And I'm like, all right. I mean, I wouldn't. Why would I want to take.
Why would I want them to. To do something that would cause them stress, you know, that feels better if they understand the concept. So you can tell people, I haven't got any more spoons. I'm sorry.
Let's see what they say.
So, blessing Shireen. Blessing.
[00:44:06] Speaker B: Yay.
This is God's blessing for you.
Clarity.
You, the soul, see and discern between reality, your wants and your needs, helping you to be transparent and do what is right.
You achieve clarity by giving your mind a spiritual focus and avoiding too much analysis and emotion.
[00:44:37] Speaker A: Seems very appropriate.
So thank you everyone for your lovely presence. Hopefully you learned something and you can practice it on somebody who asks you to do something.
Try it out, let us know what you think in the comments and have fun.
One thing at a time.
Lots of love and many blessings.
