The hidden cause of overthinking

[00:00:00] Speaker A: In today's episode, we're diving into the hidden cause of overthinking. So if you're thinking too much, worrying about things, replaying conversations, thinking about the future, thinking about the past, why is this gonna happen? How's it gonna happen? When's it gonna happen? Why didn't it happen? Why did she say that? Why did he say that? It just goes on and on. If this is starting to drive you bad and you want to know what's really going on and how to remove that overthinking pattern, maybe you've tried things already and it hasn't worked. In today's session, we're diving into why this is happening and what is the root cause of it, and then changing, using these methods to clear that out so you can stop overthinking once and for all. So welcome, welcome, welcome. [00:00:50] Speaker B: Hello, Michael Shireen. [00:00:52] Speaker A: This is a very interesting topic and something that you were called to talk about. What inspired you to do this and why is this so important? What got you thinking about this, this deeper cause of overthinking? [00:01:08] Speaker B: I've been working with the mind for the past few weeks, and once you [00:01:13] Speaker A: start working with years, past few decades, [00:01:16] Speaker B: Past few decades, but especially past few weeks, right. I really take a worksheet and watch my thoughts and see what's happening in the mind and why is it doing this and where is it going and giving it commands and all of that. We'll talk about the giving it commands in another episode. But let's talk about this. I seriously started working with the mind, and I've really found some very, very interesting findings. And these were sitting in plain sight. So in the Brahma Kumaris, we have something called the muralis, where we have a body of knowledge. Our understanding is that it comes from the supreme source, the body of knowledge. And this body of knowledge has been saying some of these things many, many times. But I didn't see them this way till I really started working with my mind. And so I was looking at my waste thoughts, right? Why was I overthinking to begin with? And I realized when I pull it back, back, back, actually, the problem starts way before we are just looking at the symptom, overthinking as a symptom, right? And the symptom. And we say, oh, control your thoughts, right? So this is not another episode of control your thoughts. Because. Because that doesn't work. It didn't work for me. Does it work for you, Michael? Control your thoughts? [00:02:51] Speaker A: It does a little bit, but there's a reason they're coming up in the first place. [00:02:55] Speaker B: Absolutely. And so I went back and I realized that, okay, there was one particular set of waste thoughts I had. And I realized that I had those waste thoughts because I took sorrow. And then I asked myself, why did I take sorrow? So I could just go and say, hey, tamp it down and say, don't take sorrow, right? Mind, don't take sorrow. But I didn't want to be so harsh with myself. And so I went back and said, okay, so why did you take sorrow? You know, I talk to the mind very gently, right? His mind. Why are you taking sorrow? Why are we dwelling on this? Not this, right? And then it came to me that I was collapsing my identity or collapsing, you know, like any situation, right? Let's take a plant, right? Let's take a plant. I've been watering and taking care of this plant for five years, right? It's a beautiful plant. And I want. Because I've been taking such good care of it and let's take that plant right there. I've been taking such good care of it and it's so wonderful and I love it and all of those things, right? So five years I've been doing that and someone comes and says, what an ugly plant, right? So why do I feel bad when that happens is because I've collapsed my identity with the plant. It wasn't just I was watering the plant, I've become the plant, right? Some shape or form. If the plant is beautiful, then I'm beautiful. If the plant is ugly, then I'm ugly. If the plant, you know, like my whole thing is based on that. And so. [00:05:06] Speaker A: And there is most obvious with sports. Sports is the. One of the most clearest examples. Or someone. If the team wins, then they won or the country won, like there's a World cup happened. If they lost, then we lost. I lost. You know, you see in the fans, isn't it the fans. Oh yeah, they scored way. Oh, no. So that, I mean, that's. You can see it visually. But yeah, say, could happen with anything as well, right? [00:05:34] Speaker B: It could happen with absolutely anything. And so, so to. In order to not collapse my identity with so many things, right? It could be I've collapsed my identity with relationships. I collapsed my identity with my work. I've collapsed my identity with my writing. And so let's say I've spent eight hours a day writing something and someone says, oh, what? That was so horrible. I'm obviously going to feel bad because along with the writing and everything, I planted my identity in the Soil. Right. And I'm waiting for the identity to be verified and acknowledged by everyone. And that's a really bad space to be actually. And so. And it's very subtle, right? Like most of the time I'm not collapsing my identity with my work or any of that stuff. But some things, you know, were bothering me. And so I learned that to not have these waste thoughts I needed to go back here. I first needed to see why I took sorrow. And then why did I take sorrow? I took sorrow because I collapsed my identity with something. And then why did I collapse my identity with something? Because I was not being a witness, a detached observer. So what do you think? [00:07:06] Speaker A: Well, that's. Yeah, I mean you have to think why, why do the thoughts arise? They're not just coming out of nowhere. And why do we, why do we think about some things obsessively and other things we don't think about because we can think about anything. So it is the things we identify with most that seem to cause the biggest, you know, mental turmoil and chaos. Like for example, if I drive through some town on a road trip or something, I don't really think much about it at all necessarily. Unless I see something related to me or my identity or who I am, then I might think about it. But, but the more I feel personally involved and it can be upset, you know, if someone says I don't like this music, right, they're saying something they don't like. But if I like the music and my identity is, I like that music, then I'm taking personal offense. But it's fine if someone doesn't like a certain song, you know, like why should they? So, yeah, this is a, it's a very, very deep thing. It's a very deep thing. So what do you do with that then? [00:08:21] Speaker B: One thing I've noticed is when we collapse our identity, we think it's okay, but the cost is very high. We are giving away our power. That's what we are doing. We are giving away our power. There's power in being that independent, free soul, self sovereign soul that is not dependent on all of these props to set me up right? I don't need my book to sell for me to feel good. Because you know, the honest truth is even if my book sells, I'm going to, if I don't rest my. I become a detached observer and rest my identity on my true self. Even if the book sells, then I'm going to feel bad because that's because I haven't really done the groundwork. For feeling, you know, not having waste thoughts and having beautiful thoughts and being free and which is a thing I've been thinking about a lot, is to be free and, you know, to be liberated in life and all of those things, right? And so when I collapse, so let's say anything, right? Pick something. Let's say your work, Michael, Michael and Michael's work is collapsed, right? If your work is not going well, then you're not doing well because your identity is collapsed. And what I've noticed is this is where I'm giving away my power. We are giving away our power by collapsing this. By just saying, you know, this happens, then this happens to me. And, you know, if this falls, I fall like that, right? And so what I've noticed is the power that we need is actually we are losing a lot of power. And when I become a detached observer and when I separate myself, right then I am creating space for things that are beneficial for me to come in. And what I've noticed is the things like when I started detaching myself, right, Watching as a detached observer, that's all I could do is just watch as a detached observer what was going on. When I started watching as a detached observer, then all of the thoughts that were actually reclaiming my power came back. You know, benefit in the drama, you know, all is well and you know, highest good for everyone, everything, all of those things start coming then, right? You remember those things and you start accepting those things. But if you collapse your identity and, you know, so let's say with that, with that plant, right, I've collapsed. And I said, okay, someone said the plant is ugly. So I am ugly now. And so what happens is when I feel I'm ugly, I'm giving away my power and. But I separate myself from the plant and see the plant is separate, wonderful. Whatever it is, it's good. All is good. And then that power comes back. What do you say? [00:12:13] Speaker A: Yeah. I had an interesting experience recently similar to this, where the last year I've had a hard time sending out emails to my mailing list initially because it wasn't my identity to send them out. Funnily enough, because I didn't send any messages for a long time. Someone else was doing it. And then when I started trying to send emails, I wasn't. Somehow there was all these blocks and I was like, why is. What is going on? I wasn't necessarily overthinking it. I just wasn't doing it. And so I had a good look at what the real reason behind that actually is and what it came down to is that on some level I was collapsing the outcome of emails with my self worth on some level. So it's like if people like it that means I am good on some level and if they unsubscribe or they don't like it or they don't open it that means they don't like me when in fact it's just an email and whether or not they're in like we all get loads of emails and we some topics we like, some topics we don't like. I mean they're not everyone's, not everything's for everyone. I barely read any emails so but because I'd made it these two things too close together trying to do it, trying to do this action was directly connected to my well being so I didn't, didn't want to do it because I'm putting myself in a dangerous position so I wouldn't even send any out at all. So I actually had to separate these two things out. One is me over here and the other is the stuff that I've done and because I expanded that gap now I'm just like well I'm just writing an email, you know, I'm just sending out and it doesn't matter if someone likes it. And so the standard I have now is is it going to help somebody? Is it coming from a good place and have I done the best I can in time I've got for the highest good of all and then it gets out it doesn't nothing to do with me. I'm over here. So I've had to establish a new standard for what that even means. That has nothing to do with me personally. Yeah. And then all this stress that I was dealing with is gone and now I can just get on with it. [00:14:49] Speaker B: Time to celebrate. Right. [00:14:52] Speaker A: Praise the Lord. Yeah. So I can have. [00:14:53] Speaker B: That's a really good place to be though. Right. When we are able to conquer something is I feel we don't celebrate these moments enough where we conquer something. [00:15:06] Speaker A: I mean I deserve lots of special chocolate treats now and but the thing is most of the time it is its own reward like the satisfaction of doing something that wasn't happening and so annoying is by itself a huge success. [00:15:26] Speaker B: I mean it is a huge success. Yes. [00:15:28] Speaker A: I mean it's good to celebrate just to mark, mark the occasions with some ritual but like self transformation is such a satisfying thing by itself that that's kind of like the. [00:15:41] Speaker B: Yes. [00:15:41] Speaker A: It's like a double win. [00:15:44] Speaker B: I don't know lately I'VE seen lately. I mean, we're going a little off tangent here, but lately I've been really like, oh, I'm celebrating this. I feel I'm celebrating this. [00:15:56] Speaker A: Good job. Good job. We should celebrate all the time. It's. It's little things. Little things. Doesn't have to be like, oh, we're going to have a whole party and loads of cake and sort of sparkly things everywhere because. But something that marks the occasion and is celebratory and it. It does need to be done. Otherwise, it's never ending. List of things that need to happen and no real recognition of the process. That's one of the things. Like on marathons, there's mile markers and there's like halfway markers and there's. So you know where you are in the journey. But in our case, we have to create it because we don't really know where we are. [00:16:33] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. And some of these things. Michael, collapsing identity with what you shared with your emails, it's actually a very deep psychological thing. Right. To even be able to look at it. Right. Even shine a light on it is such a huge accomplishment because it's not like it's not work that people are really doing. Right. Mostly people are like, you know, going along and, you know, doing their thing. [00:17:06] Speaker A: Mindfulness, A few breaths, three breaths or something. No, because, I mean, I had to look at this because I'm like, if I have failed to do something for many, many months, despite having the time, the energy and the capacity, there's something weird going on inside of me that needs to be looked at because I couldn't come up with any practical reason. And not only that, I actually have hundreds of emails written. I'd write loads of emails and I would never send any of them. [00:17:36] Speaker B: Oh, did you send these, though, or the ones you were just talking about? [00:17:39] Speaker A: Well, I've sent them to my person who sends them out, so. So they will be sent out. [00:17:45] Speaker B: Yay. That's great. [00:17:47] Speaker A: So hooray. Hooray. They're a bit long. I mean, they're probably too long, but it's fine. [00:17:51] Speaker B: Whatever it is, it's going. [00:17:52] Speaker A: Whatever. Like, send them out and people will go. [00:17:55] Speaker B: And if people unsubscribe. Okay, let's go through this. If people unsubscribe, what are you going to do? [00:18:03] Speaker A: I'm gonna hang myself. [00:18:04] Speaker B: You're going to cry yourself to sleep? [00:18:08] Speaker A: Gonna cry myself to sleep. I'm never gonna go online again. I'll never send another message now. If people unsubscribe. [00:18:14] Speaker B: Okay, all Right. I want to go back through this. To this. Like, let's say, what is the one email? How many people is it going to? [00:18:24] Speaker A: I don't know, 15,000 people. [00:18:26] Speaker B: Okay, one email is going to 15,000 people out of that, let's say. I'm not saying it's going to happen. I'm not saying it's going to happen. I'm just visualizing a scenario so you can go through this if, let's say 50 people unsubscribe. Now visualize that and tell me what you're going to do. [00:18:54] Speaker A: Celebrate. [00:18:56] Speaker B: Celebrate. [00:18:57] Speaker A: No, because, I mean, because you sent it. [00:19:00] Speaker B: You sent it. [00:19:01] Speaker A: No, because the thing is, what I was doing unconsciously was I was connecting what I'm doing with who I am, that these two things were merged together like this, right? And so instead I've said, no, I'm fine. I'm a spiritual being over here. My identity is separate and I'm nothing to do with anything. Everything's just happening anyway. I'm watching it. I don't know how anything happens. I don't know where ideas come from. I don't know what's going on. Right? This is a magical mystery thing called life. And then. So my new thing is, is this thing I'm doing, is it coming from the right place, which is in my control? Is it something that is actually going to help. Created to help somebody? I understand who they are and what they want and who I want to talk to. So is it the best I can do? Is it something that can help them? Is it coming from the right place? And is it as good as I can manage with the time that I have? And frankly, I spent way longer than I probably needed to be three days to write six emails. But anyway, [00:20:18] Speaker B: I'm proud of you, Michael. [00:20:20] Speaker A: So. So I've got. So there's an objective standard here that I. I can say that is good enough. It's not. It doesn't represent me, but it's as good as I can do for the highest good of all. With the time I got, the time I'm willing to put into it. And in the future I'll have less time, and it would have to be good enough. With less time, I'll be like, I've got 20 minutes, I'm going to write an email, we're done. You know, but I'm over here. And if someone doesn't like it, I mean, it's. But I know that it's coming from the right place. I know I care and I know I'm Trying to help people. And I know some people will like it. So. And the interesting thing is overall I would say I've had like 99% positive feedback, pretty much everything I've done and 1% criticism or maybe 2%. But the 2%, if it's, if I'm connect, if I'm doing this, that 2% criticism is devastating for the ego, you know, but if it's not anything to do with me, then I'm neither here nor there about it. [00:21:27] Speaker B: Right, Right. So you know, one thing is the detached observer, right? We will go through the practice is one thing is to say separate yourself from your identity, right? But here we are going to give you a framework for actually how to do it. And just remember when you're doing it is just doing it is success. It doesn't have to be perfect. And the first 10 times it's not going to be perfect. But eventually you'll get good at it. One of the things, you know how I'm into research, right? This, there's this gentleman called Dr. Cross and I think he's at University of Michigan or something like that, he did a lot of research on this and what he says is self distancing, self distancing, that you distance yourself from the situation. Not like the situation, let's say something is happening, that something is happening to me, but you distance yourself and say it is happening. Right? But when we say be a detached observer, just self distancing in itself is so important. But what we are saying is not only self distancing, but use self distance in soul consciousness, which is ten times more effective. And then after that you self distance with having a companion, higher power, God we'll call God you call higher power or something higher than you that is there for you, right. Even if you feel like you know one of your ancestors, someone is there with you, that's also very important because it feels, it gives a lot of comfort. And for me, just being with God and watching the situation gave me a lot of comfort. And so then you, so do it in soul consciousness, do it with the companionship of God. And then the other thing I've noticed in, in this detached observer situation is we'll go through all of the points again is you can't just watch, right? Because I've noticed you either absorb or you give. So because you don't want to absorb this very sticky thing that's going on with whatever is going on, that you just start giving good wishes, start giving good wishes. And so what happens is when you start Doing that, the distancing really helps. The witnessing really helps. [00:24:33] Speaker A: Yeah, it's a very, very deep thing to separate ourselves out from everything else. Because we're so used to identifying with the body, what we do, our role, our age, you know, where we live, blah, blah, blah, what we look like. So what's the specific steps? Let's imagine that somebody is thinking too much. They're worrying about things. They can't do something. There's all these emotions around it. What's the practical steps they could go through step by step? [00:25:08] Speaker B: So one thing, right, you're worrying too much is just a symptom. That's something we really need to understand. It's a symptom. Stop thinking, controlling your thoughts. That's not. It's like, you know, it's not possible, right? It's because thinking is not the problem here. There's something else going on. And so the first step, the first step is to really see yourself as a spiritual being. Because identity shift is very important for detached observer. So the first step is I'm a spiritual being, right? In our case, we say I'm a being of light. I'm a pure being of light. I'm pure, you know, I'm pure, peaceful soul. And so to first see that, first see yourself as a pure, peaceful soul. The second one. Is. Huh? Okay. I was going to say the second one. Oh, I was being a pure, peaceful soul. Second one is you connect with God, right? You just connect with the supreme being or higher power, whatever you want to call, right? Your highest source, connect. That's step number two. And in step number two, it's not just you're connecting with the highest source, but you are, you could say, making God your companion, that they're with you. There's comfort there, and God is available for your comfort, so there's comfort there. And then step number three is you watch the scene. And in this step, right, when you're watching the scene, take Michael as a guinea pig here, where he's writing emails and sending emails, right? You're watching the scene or you're not. Or you're thinking, oh, I'm not sending emails and I'm not writing emails. You have to separate the scene from the story. There shouldn't be any story associated with the scene. You just watch the scene. You just watch yourself not doing whatever you're supposed to do or doing something you're not supposed to do. Whatever it is, you just watch it. Or if someone else is doing something, right? Let's say someone else was mean to you. And what if I'm feeling bad that they're mean to me? That means I have collapsed my identity into whatever they thought of me or whatever people think of me. Right. Instead of thinking of all of that story, just separate the scene, make a statement. Person was mean. What that mean means about me is a story. Right? You can just separate out the scene from the story. So that's step number three. And step number four is you give good wishes to everyone involved, including yourself. Just good wishes, pure feelings. Just peace, blessings, love. May they all succeed. May everyone be well. May everyone be happy. So those are four steps. [00:29:31] Speaker A: That's beautiful. So you become aware you're a spiritual being. Then you connect with God and feel the comfort. Because there's a sense of reality and relationship and meaning beyond the scene. That's why that's important. And then see the thing as a detached observer, as a witness, like it's a story. [00:30:02] Speaker B: Don't make a story. Don't make it a story in your head about you. Right. It's just happening. [00:30:08] Speaker A: This is not. This is not about me here. This is about. This is seeing. Because if you become detached, then it's like. It's not embodied in a way. It's disembodied. It's like seeing it as a. As a. As if you would see a film happening to somebody else somewhere else. Oh, in the. In the story, this thing happened to this person. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's happening over there. Is that what you're saying? So it's just not. [00:30:41] Speaker B: Yes, yes. [00:30:41] Speaker A: It's happening to me. And I'm. Oh, it's not me. It's happening in the scene of life. [00:30:46] Speaker B: Exactly. Because what happens is we can't deny it happened. Right. If something happened, you don't want to suppress it. You don't want to deny it happened, but don't make it meaning about you. [00:31:02] Speaker A: It just happened in this story of life. [00:31:04] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:31:06] Speaker A: Yeah. Like if someone's playing a game and then they lose a point, that doesn't mean they're bad. It just means they. In the game, there was a point that was lost. You know, I think this is a very, very deep thing, being detached. Like, there's me as the spiritual being, and then there's this play happening. So instead of I am bad, or I did this thing, this thing happened. And then the fourth step is to give blessings, Give love and good blessings. May everyone be happy. May everyone be healthy. May everything work out beautifully, with ease and grace, with ease and joy. I think that the third Step is the. They're all important, obviously, but the third step is the key thing to get that space, isn't it? [00:32:19] Speaker B: Any of those steps. I absolutely agree with you. Third step is important. But I don't want our viewers, listeners to feel that they're not getting it right. Just even attempting to do it is getting it right. Right. Not just the first time. I'm this perfect detached observer. No, just start instead of rumination, right. Rumination is your mind is circling again and again and again over a certain situation. It's not. That's what overthinking is. It's not fun. Right. You're losing power. You're giving away your power to the situation. You're giving away power to the person involved in the situation. You have to take back the power. And this is how, detached observer, you take back the power. [00:33:13] Speaker A: Yeah. It's not saying that didn't happen. And we're not in denial when there's no spiritual bypassing. It's just saying that there. This scene doesn't. Doesn't represent me as a soul. It's something that happened in the script. There's a difference between guilt and shame. And people have often mentioned the difference. Guilt is I did something wrong and shame is I am something wrong. That's like collapsing things at the most extreme level, isn't it? [00:33:48] Speaker B: Right. [00:33:48] Speaker A: And so this is saying whatever happened, whether it's good or bad, it just is something that happened. And I can watch it from a loving place. I suppose what people are probably going to think is, well, where do we have responsibility in our life and what we're doing? I think that's the thing that often stops. [00:34:13] Speaker B: This is why I was saying the distance itself helped me gain power. You're collapsing something, right? You've collapsed your identity into something. And you have not created space for power, for transformation to happen in your life. Nothing, no one ever accomplished anything by thinking too much. No one. Show me one person who did. You need to do the right thing at the right time. You don't need to think hundred thoughts right now. And so that power you gain back by separating yourself. [00:35:00] Speaker A: Yeah, it's a wonderful feeling of freedom, actually, that. That's what Jiva mukti means, isn't it? In a way, it's freedom in life. Is that. Is that. That this is being trapped and this is being free. I mean, unfortunately, this is the namaste. So kind of this is a sacred thing, but we can have it more like. But anyway, it's. This is being trapped like. [00:35:27] Speaker B: Trapped like this. Maybe Trapped. [00:35:29] Speaker A: There we go. There we go. Trapped and then free, isn't it? There's me and there's the thing. [00:35:38] Speaker B: Open hands. [00:35:39] Speaker A: Open hands. Yeah. That's. Jiva Mukti is like this. And this is our all mixed up and messed up and, you know, merged together and. Because what we do and who we are are different things. And that's really what we're saying here. This is not what reality is. Not this reality is this. There's us, and then we're doing things. We're responsible to do the best we can, but we're not the outcome of our. We're not our actions. We're the one doing the actions. It's a very, very, very deep thing. It's a very, very deep thing. These are the advanced practices, really. So should we do a little meditation? [00:36:31] Speaker B: Sure. [00:36:32] Speaker A: Yeah. All right. So this is one of those things where it's best to be practiced. We can talk all day long about these things. So just imagine a situation that you're thinking too much about or stressing out about or worrying about, or it's just getting the better of you. And we'll just take a few breaths together. And you can just start by just being aware that you have this symptom of thinking too much. And now become aware that you are not your body. You are the spiritual being behind everything, Consciousness, pure light, like a point of light. And your identity is infinite love, infinite peace, bliss, joy, happiness, freedom. And you existed before the body, before the whole story, before everything, before all this stuff you're worried about even existed, you existed. So just having that awareness of your eternal self. And as you become aware of that, be aware of the presence of a higher power of God, the infinite love, infinite light, ocean of peace, ocean of love, divine companion. And then in this safe and loving place of freedom, look back on your life and see it as a witness, a detached observer, spectator. See everything that's happening like a story happening in the distance. Things happening. Whatever is going on, It doesn't represent you. It's not who you are. It's just things that are happening. And then send good wishes, blessings to everyone, blessings to the situation, blessings to. Everyone involved. May everyone be happy, healthy, wealthy, free, Feeling very late. And everything is separate and far away from you, so you're more liberated. It doesn't matter. Extra. And then bring your awareness back into the wondrous chaos of life with a sense of humor. Yay. [00:40:31] Speaker B: That was beautiful. [00:40:34] Speaker A: There we have it. So practice makes perfect. You give yourself a break from everything. Give yourself some space. The more I practice this, the more I feel everything's a game. It feels like a game. It's like, okay, well, I did this thing. Let's just, you know, press the button, send the message, do the thing. It's not a big deal. It doesn't represent my whole existence, what the outcome of these things. So let's have a blessing, Shreem. What blessing do we have? [00:41:04] Speaker B: Adaptability. This is God's blessing for you. Adaptability. Your ability to adjust brings you joy. Adaptability is your badge of honor. You embrace new experiences with enthusiasm. You bravely navigate life's unpredictable turns. Possibilities are limitless. This freedom is now who you are. [00:41:38] Speaker A: Last perfect blessing for this. So thank you for being here. And if you do these things, you'll feel much more relaxed, much more able to do the stuff that's been difficult, much more able to handle things. And the symptom of overthinking will get way less because you've resolved it at its root. And you won't need to think about it all the time because you feel at peace with yourself on a deeper level level. Hopefully this has been helpful. Feel free to leave a comment. Feel free to share this with someone who would benefit from it if you like, and we will talk to you in the next episode. Have a beautiful week. Lots of love and many blessings. [00:42:21] Speaker B: Yay. [00:42:21] Speaker A: Thank you, Sh.