Why Self-Awareness Isn't Enough

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Do you have problems in your life or things that you want to change and you know what to do, but you're not doing it? Well, if you are, then you're in the right place. And this happens all the time. We. We know about things, we learn about things, we listen to podcasts, read books, talk to people, figure stuff out, get a therapist and figure out a lot of information that would make our life better, a lot of insight. But if we don't change, then it's not very helpful. So what we're getting into today is this idea of checking and changing. One is to check. What does that actually look like? Checking ourselves in our life, and then how do we change? And what does that. What does that mean? You know? So this is a very, very deep thing to check and change. And this is collapsing the no do gap, where there's a gap between what we're doing and what we're knowing. It's like we have two separate lives. One is what we know we should be doing, and the other is what life we would ideally be doing. There's a big gap. How do we collapse that? So welcome, welcome, welcome. Great that you're here. And blessings to you, Sherene, how's it going? [00:01:15] Speaker B: Blessings to you too, brother Michael. I'm doing well, thank you. And I'm thinking about what you were just saying about checking and changing. I think it's one of my favorite two word pair in the whole English language. Checking and changing. There are other word pairs, but this one I really like. And I was thinking how I was thinking of someone this morning, actually, they were in front of me and I was thinking, this person really needs this checking and changing. And then I thought, no, I need checking and changing. Why am I thinking this person who's [00:02:02] Speaker A: checking and changing, if they just change, that would just be the best, wouldn't it? [00:02:06] Speaker B: That would be great. But I need it. That's when I thought, oh, that is what is checking is so easy to check other people, but actually you need checking and changing. I need checking and changing. And so that was interesting because what happens is you look at some people and you think, oh, they've been on so many therapies and, you know, whatever, right? So many things. [00:02:46] Speaker A: Retreats and books. [00:02:47] Speaker B: Retreats and books and self help and programs and this and that. There's no change. I could say the same thing about [00:02:56] Speaker A: me, but, well, we have to focus on ourselves ultimately. But. But it's true, though. It's true. A nice quote that I like is learning means same situation. New Behavior. So being stuck is same situation, same behavior, right? So like, if I, if I realize I need to eat differently, right? But then I go to the store and I buy exactly the same food and I put the same food in the fridge and I eat the same food, that means I'm stuck. If I learn that there's certain food that would be better for me, then I go to the store and I buy different stuff and I put different things in the fridge and then I eat different things, right? That means that I've actually learned something because it's changed and it's, it's very easy to conflate learning intellectually with changing. It actually took me to be perfectly honest about, about 15 years on a spiritual path to realize that knowledge. [00:04:05] Speaker B: Oh, come on. Give people a message of hope. Angel. [00:04:09] Speaker A: Well, I'm just trying to collapse, I'm just trying to collapse it down. But like I, I remember when I first heard all these spiritual things. There's such, such fascinating ideas that just knowing about it felt like I had had something, right? Just the knowledge of something also, it's just fast, like knowing I'm a spiritual being or knowing about God and infinite light and all these things. But to realize the experience is a totally different scale from knowledge. I mean, knowledge is important. I'm not saying we shouldn't learn things. Knowledge is critical. Otherwise we're not going to get anywhere. But to really understand that knowledge is going to disappear and the only thing we're going to be left with is what, how much we've changed in our heart and soul on a very deep level. That's actually what we have really and truly. And everything else is just floating around. Took me a while to figure that out. So I'm not saying I didn't made any changes for 15 years, but, but that was a big upgrade when I realized that, and I'll give an example of this. Last night I had a strange dream of trying to start a car. And then I saw this golden shining golden engine type thing that was bright gold and white and it was really, really hot and that needed to go in the car for it to run in the dream. And I was like, I can't pick it up because it's too, too hot and I'm going to use oven mitts that would just burn. Like I, I was like, like how am I going to get this thing in the car? And, and then I woke up with this word agni. Agni. Agni in my head, right? And agni means fire in Sanskrit. And it's talking about fire on money levels. The first line of the Vedas, which is the oldest scripture, oldest written thing in the world, has the word Agni in it. Right. The first sentence. So I was like, all right. So then I went online and I was like, what does this mean practically? And. And it's talking about digestion. Digestive fire. Right. I was aware of this. Agnes Ayurveda. So then I thought, okay, well, let me buy a course on it. So I bought a course on it. And subsequently I have ordered tons of stuff and I'm going to change what I eat. Hopefully that hasn't happened yet. Has. Hasn't fully happened. Right. Because the. The proof is in the pudding. I can. [00:06:41] Speaker B: We will send you blessings. Happens. [00:06:43] Speaker A: I. I can buy the stuff. I can stick it in the cupboard. Am I gonna actually. Excuse me. [00:06:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:06:49] Speaker A: Actually eat the stuff in on a daily basis correctly. Like, I'll give one example. This is this little health tip that I learned. If anyone's interested in their digestion. If you get ginger and slice it up into little slices, thin slices, put a bit of lime on it, a bit of Himalayan pink salt, and chew it. It's good for your digestion. Apparently. I used to do that. I stopped doing it and. But do you see me. So checking is. Say I was thinking, oh, my digestion is not quite as good as it could be. What's going on? Changes to learn what to do and then actually do something about it. As in, like, upgrade the food, change the diet, eat different. Eat the ginger, get the ginger teas or, you know, these different Ayurvedic herbs. And don't eat the wrong food. Common. And it just goes on and on and on, right? We're not doing a health talk here, but anything in our life we can apply this principle to. Here's a problem, here's a challenge, here's something we want to do. All right? What needs to change so that it's actually different so that we become different. So is that. Yeah, yeah. [00:08:03] Speaker B: I was also thinking more in terms of checking and changing. You know, like, sometimes we, like, see one video, right, and think, oh, I know so much about it. Or we go to so much therapy that we just take. Pick apart our old wounds and then. Or we, you know, do so much self analysis, all of these things, right? I know everything I need to know about my family dynamics growing up, and this happened and that happened, Right? But eventually, like, years and years of therapy or years and years and picking apart your wound and saying this happened and that happened is really not going to make much of a difference. Right. Because if the wound is still bleeding, then what's the point in looking at the wound, Right. The whole point in looking at the wound is so the wound start, stops bleeding. And so we have to be so careful that we don't think we, you know, solve one video and we know everything about everything and then nothing changes in our life. Right. If you saw one video and it changes in your life, wonderful. But then you have to be really careful too, because so many times people just put out a video because they want views, not because they care about your health. And so you have to be really careful about all of these. Right. [00:09:37] Speaker A: If anyone thinks they're an Ayurvedic expert after what I just shared, that's a bad sign. [00:09:43] Speaker B: Right. [00:09:44] Speaker A: I heard that if you put ginger and a bit of lemon and a little bit of salt, you'll be good to go. Yeah. [00:09:52] Speaker B: This thing about the wound, right? The healing, transformation is very important. Just transformation doesn't mean you keep looking at your stuff. Right? Nothing is going to come out of looking at your stuff. There can, I can promise you this, there can be transformation without you picking apart your stuff, having more insights into my, you know, issues. No need. You can totally have transformation without that. But if you want to do that, that's fine. But at some point you have to start transforming. That's the whole point of checking and changing is how much have I really implemented, transformed my life? How much have I seen a pattern that is really bad for me and how many times have I changed that pattern? [00:10:46] Speaker A: So the point of checking is to see what's going on is self inventory, inventory, inventory, inquiring on our own stuff, what we're going through, what's going on, what's not going on, how things are happening, which we do need to have. That's why it's check and change. But once we know, then as soon as possible, ideally immediately, then we change. So let's, let's read a quote about this. Check and change. Some check, but do not have the power to change. Checking and change should both take place simultaneously. So if I check myself and it takes me four years before I do anything about it, that's not exactly simultaneous. It's, you know, so it's like, if I figure out, okay, this is clearly not working out very well, it needs to be changed. I don't need to, you know, journal about it for another six months. I should just do something about it. [00:12:00] Speaker B: I know, right? Like, how many people do, you know, go on Retreats, journal, go to therapy, go do this, go do that. And my thing is not that you're doing those things. Wonderful, you're doing those things. But if your wound is still bleeding and some change needs to happen. But you need power. I like what you just read. Like you need the power to change [00:12:26] Speaker A: what can be said if you are masters with all powers and you're not able to bring about change. [00:12:34] Speaker B: So we have the power. That's what that's saying. We all have the power. We're just not using the power because we are so happy with our just checking. [00:12:46] Speaker A: Yeah, self knowledge isn't enough. It just isn't. I know plenty of people who have figured out through large amounts of, you know, self ingredient and you know, thinking about stuff and therapy and whatever else that the reason they're messed up is because of their parents. Like they spats their parents mess them up. Right? Okay. And my parents probably messed me up to some degree. Like most parents in one way or another, unfortunately screw up their kids. Fair enough. Right? Not all of them. All right, fine. So now we figure out, because they [00:13:21] Speaker B: tried the best they can, they did [00:13:22] Speaker A: the best they could. Right. I'm just saying let's just take. Give people the benefit of the doubt for the time it took to figure that out. So let's say because I wasn't allowed to go to this thing or my parents didn't approve of my whatever it is, that's why I'm feeling whatever I'm feeling now. That's you still, it can be useful to some degree, right, to know that. Then what are you going to do about it in, in the now, today, when, when you get triggered, what's, what's going to be different? What's the solution? What's the way out of that? Because we can't just say, well, I'm the way I am because of my parents. Nothing I can do at all. I'm just going to sit here and. And you know, feel sorry for myself. That that's not very helpful practically. So we say I have compassion for myself. I've gone through a lot in my life. It's been difficult. And what am I gonna do about it? Change. What's the change? Checking is one thing, changing is something else. And, and there's a lot of, I mean, to be honest, a lot of people don't check themselves at all either actually. Let's be honest. [00:14:26] Speaker B: Right. And this is what I was going to get at, right? Just therapy and meditation and journaling is not checking. We sometimes we're just not honest. We keep just blaming the other people for what's going on with our life. [00:14:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:14:41] Speaker B: Case in point. My parents are to blame for the fact that I'm not getting out of, you know, getting off my butt and doing something. Right. My parents are to be blamed. How long? [00:14:52] Speaker A: I've met people who have a long list of people that they blame for everything wrong with their life. Long list. And they talk about it all the time. [00:15:01] Speaker B: That's not checking. Checking is really going inside your own head and seeing what is going on and how can I change it. Not someone else did this to me. [00:15:14] Speaker A: Exactly. So there's, there's kind of three groups of people if you like. First group of people who don't have any self knowledge at all, never check themselves. Right. The other group of people who do check themselves but don't think about the solution and the third group is people who check and change. And ideally we want to get to that third group as quickly as we can because that's the only way we're going to actually make any, any real shifts in our life. You know there's a nice quote that I like. If you want your life to change then you have to change the things in your life. Right. [00:15:55] Speaker B: Sounds simple enough. [00:15:56] Speaker A: Yeah, but this doesn't happen very much, does it? [00:16:00] Speaker B: No. You made a lot of changes recently. So what did you feel? How did you do your checking and changing? Let's see if brother Michael is going to share anything about himself. [00:16:16] Speaker A: Yeah, well I'll give an example I just mentioned with the health thing, right. So I was noticing, I'm like oh, I feel a bit, bit bloated. Like why is my digestion not as good as it. Because I, I think the reason was I was trying to eat more protein. Right. But eating more protein is hard to digest basically. I think that's probably what started. So I'm like, I'm trying to, I'm trying to change, check and change because I'm going to the gym and my trainer keeps saying eat more protein. So then I do that and then it messes up digestion. [00:16:44] Speaker B: So, so now this is what cheap. I just this today came back from an ayurvedic doctor and she was saying you're doing too much protein. Right. And so you get all these conflicting things like your trainer tells you you're not getting enough protein and lady saying no, your body's not accepting all the protein. And I was thinking maybe because we've been vegetarian for so long like the body doesn't know how to Deal with a lot of protein. [00:17:19] Speaker A: Yeah, I think it's not used to it and, but I consider all these things opportunities for learning and growth and upgrade. So like. So I, I used to be a bit more into Ayurveda but I stopped doing that as well because I'm. I'm not sure it worked that well for me to be honest. And I think like loads of rice and all this stuff, loads of carbs. I'm not sure it's the best thing. But the Ayurveda doesn't necessarily mean you have to have loads of rice. It's just. So anyway I was like, okay, what am I going to do about it? And the key thing from what I've learned so far and I've been studying health for a long time, it's not like I don't know this, it's more like conflicting ideas. So if I might be checking and changing, but then I'm changing in the wrong way. So it can also be make it worse by changing in some cases. But. So my intention now is to, is to eat the right amount, the right food in the right proportions and have all the right herbs for, you know, for the greatest health benefits basically. And there's lots of different herbs. Apparently this, if you put your cup, cup your hands together like this, this is the proper amount of actual food to have supposedly. Like what would fit in your hands [00:18:47] Speaker B: if you cupped them so that it would it be like this much or like flat, flat [00:18:56] Speaker A: for a meal because that's roughly the size of the stomach apparently. So any more than that and it's causing trouble. And if you're not hungry then it would be one cup like this. So I, I think our. Has been around a long time. There's a lot of wisdom there. I remember another time when I was having problems sending out emails because I hadn't done it for so long and so I had to just change and start sending emails out. I mean basically that's what it came down to and deal with like a reason I'm not sending emails out is because I don't think people will like it because it's been so long, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And a lot of people didn't like my emails actually and we had loads of unsubscribes, we have that massive list. So. But the people who, but a lot of people did like them and a lot of people are liking them. So it's like am I willing to face the fact that I'll get some rejection in order to be of service? To the right people, you know, and ultimately I am. So it's. [00:20:00] Speaker B: I like that. What was the quote? If you want to change your life, change the things in your life. [00:20:04] Speaker A: If you want to. If you want your life to change, then you have to change the things in your life. If you want things in your life to change, and you have to change the things in your life. And because a lot of people, they think they can just think their way into a different life, you know, but we can't. We actually have to change things in our life. And another quote. And I actually started writing a book on this years ago, and I'm not quite sure what happened to it, but in essence, one of my unfinished books, I called it, the working title was Change Means different, right? Because so many times, because I've been doing this work on myself and other people for a long time, like you have, Shereen. And I've noticed that if we're all really honest, we want to carry on with our life with all our comforts just the way that they are, because we like them. And simultaneously we want to have a totally different outcome, right? So I want to eat all the food I like and have a different level of health than I do. That's what I want, right? If I'm honest. But if I want to have a different outcome, I'm going to have to actually do different things. And the. Some part of us is definitely not very happy about this. This reality, you know, I mean, because we don't like change and it's. It's not like we could change easily and we're just deciding not to. We actually don't want to change because it's uncomfortable to change, isn't it? Like, if I have to figure out all these new things to eat. You were mentioning about some health stuff and different upgrades on your diet. You're. I can't just like. We don't want to do that, do we? We'd rather just carry on with all the things that we like, you know, so it. What's difficult about this quote here is that some check where they don't have the power to change. Because the power to change means you have to do something uncomfortable and awkward and different that you're not used to. [00:22:22] Speaker B: And many times I've noticed. Many times I've noticed that connecting with the higher power, you receive the power. So just to connect also, right? Whatever your version of a higher power is, to connect with a higher power. Because many things we can't do on our own, the power from the higher Source really allows, helps us do it. [00:22:51] Speaker A: That's true. Yeah. We can't do it on our own. It. That's why we need power to do the changes. Because left to our own devices, we just do whatever we feel like. [00:23:02] Speaker B: Exactly. So I work with a personal trainer and in the gym, and I feel so many times that even though I know how to use the machine and what to do, I don't push myself as much. Right. Because she's there. She pushes a little bit more than I would push myself. And sometimes we need that accountability and someone to really someone you trust that you can say these things and really change. Right. Because it is. Life is so much more fun if you really. It's like that transformation that happens. Right. There's so much fun in that. The whole enjoyment of life sometimes I feel, is I can transform something. Let's say something is bothering me, like someone is really pressing my buttons. Then there comes a time when they do the same thing and the button doesn't get pressed. I feel so happy. Oh, my God, look at the transformation in me. That button didn't get pressed. [00:24:33] Speaker A: Yeah. It's more fun when we have a program where we're doing different things. It's actually boring, really, to do the same thing over and over again anyway. But to. To experience the difference, it's. I was talking to one of my clients recently from my business, and she was saying that she had some health challenges with people in her life and she was totally all right with it. Like, normally she would have a major meltdown and she was totally at peace and was able to show up without losing it. And she was saying, well, I wonder. It was actually, you know, it does make a huge difference. I remember when my bike got stolen years ago, when I started doing meditation, normally I'd be like, oh, my God. Because I had this brand new, really nice bike and I just was stolen. And I was like, all right, fine. You know, it. I was quite surprised. I didn't get very disturbed about that, actually. That was many, many years ago. But yeah, it's true. When we make changes or we upgrade our life, it's much more. It feels like we're alive, actually doing something different, you know, rather than just knowing about stuff intellectually and then just repeating ourselves endlessly. That's a very boring life. The meaningless life, really. So when a master with all powers has the thought, I have to do this, then it is already accomplished. There won't then be the thought, what will happen? I will see about it. I cannot do this together with Checking also bring about change with the powers you have received. So this is talking about determination, right? So if you, if you realize I'm a powerful soul, I'm connected to God, and I have to do this, right, you feel the difference. I have to do it. It has to be done versus oh, you know, maybe I'll get to it later, possibly, and we'll look into that. [00:26:44] Speaker B: Oh, you know, the thing that, the phrase that I'm not liking these days when people tell me I', try, I'm thinking that means you're not doing it. Just admit it, you're not doing it. Why try? [00:27:00] Speaker A: Yeah, there's a very. You feel, physically feel the difference when, when I say, whenever I'm dealing with something and I'm like, I have to do this, right? I can feel the power coming through. I have to do it. Whereas when I'm like, yeah, I'll check that out probably next week. [00:27:22] Speaker B: You know, interestingly, we're talking about determination. I've been doing a lot of research on determination, the science of determination, the science behind determination. And what happens is, let's say, the language you use, right? Or anything, even, like, the thoughts you have, like, take a. Take power away from willpower. Because determination is not just about willpower. It's not like you lack willpower, right? There's a lot of other things are going on, which we can do several podcasts on that, but there's a lot of other things going on with determination. And so, like, let's say you're having waste thoughts, right, about something that actually takes away the power to be able to take present action. And that's the reason why you're not able to do it. Not because you lack willpower, right? So if you're having, let's say you have to do something and you're having a bunch of, you know, useless thoughts about it, that's not helping you because ultimately you have to do it. Why have all these useless thoughts about it? Because that's absolutely not helping you. Because it takes away from your present, you know, ability to follow through. Because there's only so much you as a soul can do, right? And so if your power gets leaked to all of these waste and all this other stuff that's going on comparison, and I shouldn't have done it or woe is me or any of that stuff, right? The power is getting leaked. And because the power is getting leaked, you are not able to give enough power to actually get the work, get to the action. And we think, oh, I lack willpower. I lack this. No, it's not about willpower. Determination is not about willpower. Determination is about you seeing where you are actually leaking and plug those leaks. So you want to change, you have to first check, but then plug the leaks. [00:30:03] Speaker A: So it's worth thinking about. Like, what does checking mean? What does changing mean? And checking is checking ourselves, not other people. It's easy to see other people because they're outside of us. Right. You can actually see another person's behavior. We can't actually see our own behavior because we're seeing our hands. Like we can see our hands. So maybe see the end of your nose possibly. Right. But we, we're not. Whereas other people, you see them from the outside, it's a bit more obvious. Right. We have to see ourselves as if we're looking back from the outside to our own behavior. And then we obviously can see our own thoughts because they're in our head and how we feel. So it takes actually quite a lot of determination and honesty just to sit there and say, how am I feeling? What's going on? What's actually happening here? Because the human mind has an infinite capacity for self deception. And so it's very easy to check ourselves and be completely deluded, actually. Oh, I'm checking myself every day, you know, But I could be the most [00:31:16] Speaker B: self aware person, is my wound, you know, the way we can tell is, is are my wounds still bothering me? [00:31:26] Speaker A: Right. [00:31:26] Speaker B: And am I blaming my wounds for 10 other people? Then, you know, it's time to change. Time to put that change into practice. [00:31:38] Speaker A: Yeah. So checking is how am I feeling, what am I thinking, what are my beliefs, what my behavior? Like, what am I actually doing? There's. There's an interesting process we can maybe do on another podcast. It's one of my programs I just did recently about what are your values? And you figure out your values. Values based on not what we think our values are, but based on our actual life. Right. So I can see what I value by getting a piece of paper out and saying in the last two weeks, where did my time go, where did my money go? And where did my thoughts go? Right. This is worth writing this down, right? Because it's checking. What does checking mean? It means where am I, what am I thinking about all the time, what am I doing all the time and what am I spending my money on? Once you have that written down, you've got a pretty idea, good idea of what you value and where you're at in your life practically. Right. And if that's what you're happy with, then that's great. But if you feel that's not up to the standard that you'd like it to be, then the next thing is how can you very swiftly change those things? And the complicated factor here is that the reason we do everything that we do is to get our needs met, right? So we have to actually do a little bit of magic work on our psychology here. How can you get your needs met in a better way? This is why this is hard. Because if you say to somebody, let's say somebody likes to watch movies or they like to drink wine or whatever they like to do, right? They love. Love their glass of wine in their movie, right? And you say to them, it's bad for you. Or they say, I probably shouldn't be doing it. But the thing is, it makes them feel relaxed in the evening, right? So what? They can't just get rid of that out of their life because that's actually something that they value. You have to figure out another way of feeling relaxed in the evening. Do you see what I mean? You can't just cut things out without replacing them with something better. And so whenever you change something, you have to think, well, what am I upgrading that with? Because if there isn't an upgrade, you're not going to be able to stop doing something. Realistically, I think that's the. That's something that we haven't talked about, but that's very, very important. If we don't have an upgrade, we can't give up the thing that we like. So there. So there we have it. Check yourself out what's going on and then change yourself. Can change it with an upgrade. Upgrade? [00:34:22] Speaker B: How do we know we need changing? Because you blame someone else for what's suffering and we are blaming other people. If you're blaming someone else for what's happening in your life, then you need to change. [00:34:39] Speaker A: There we have it. [00:34:40] Speaker B: All right. [00:34:42] Speaker A: Number 97. [00:34:46] Speaker B: 97. Surrender. This is God's blessing for you. Surrender. This is one of my favorite blessings. Surrender you the soul. Resonate with tranquility. You've attained this serene state by surrendering to God's guidance and embracing it in every aspect of your life. Your presence is a lighthouse of serenity for those seeking enlightened freedom. [00:35:23] Speaker A: Yay. Have a beautiful week. Check and change. Enjoy, enjoy. Try and change one thing and see what happens. Don't try. It definitely has to happen soon. Don't try. Just get it done. Much love.